The Tantalizing Theater
by Steven Dalton
Summary: Violet, Klaus, Sunny and Beatrice Baudelaire return in the second installment of Another Series of Unfortunate Events which chronicles their time at the Ned H. Rirger Theater. Read and review please!
1. Dear Reader Book, the Second

**_Another Series Of Unfortunate Events_**

_**Book, the Second**_

**_The Tantalizing Theater_**

For My Devoted Beatrice, your love for me was undying; sadly you were not

_Dear Reader,_

_If you have ever had the opportunity to obtain a night on the town or to get away from pesky relatives, then visiting a theater is an enjoyable and memorable experience, one that will surely provide you plenty of chances to forget about your relatives._

_For the Baudelaires however, their own time at the Ned H. Rirger Theater was not enjoyable and I highly doubt any of the children would want to remember the experience if they were asked about it. Instead their visit to the theater as members of V.F.D. involved the return of a troublesome troupe, poison darts, a terrible accident involving a chandelier and sticky carpet._

_It is my sad duty to write these events down as they took place in the orphans lives, but you however do not have read any further whatsoever and can instead avoid your relatives using others means, such as not using deodorant or becoming a statue,_

_**With all Due Respect,**_

_**Lemony Snicket**_

**Please read and review, each 13 days I will try to have one chapter up!**


	2. One and Two

**One**

"All the world is a stage and the people, merely players," is a phrase, which was spoken by a very old man, or perhaps a very young man, or even perhaps a very young old man or possibly a woman depending on whether or not you think William is a feminine name. This man wrote several exhaustive plays or stories that have become widely popular and famous over the course of hundreds of years and to this day these words are remembered for their meaning. The phrase however, is poorly constructed because clearly the world is not a stage and the people are not players. A better phrase to use instead might be, "the world is a spherical object floating in space surrounded by other spheres of similar shape and size, although some are marginally larger that others; it is composed of water, land, air, and other materials too numerous to mention and people living on this planet can be actors, players, volunteers, seamstresses, firemen, policewomen, doctors, lawyers, pilots, co-pilots, samurais, computer specialists, wanderers, adventurers, dismal authors, and other professions that could take a lifetime to number." But this phrase would obviously take a lot longer to say and although more accurate, people would get tired of hearing it and would eventually start throwing fruit at you as if you were an actor on a stage. The phrase itself refers to how we often feel that in life others are watching us and we feel as if our entire life is like a theatrical production. For if our life were in fact one grand play, then we wouldn't have to worry about various things, such as death and tragedy since as soon as the curtain fell everything would be all right and we'd all get paid equally for our roles. Sadly life is not like a theatrical production even though often times it seems that way and people do tend to watch us.

The reason I am beginning this story with this phrase should be obvious enough to you by now, the world of the Baudelaires was not a stage and even though they were now members of V.F.D. thanks to their semi-stellar work in the past few weeks, a phrase which here means, "The children succeeded in revealing Mr. Dominic to be a wicked individual but were unable to capture him." And even though Violet, Sunny, Beatrice and Klaus would've preferred to be actors in a theatrical play, rather than miserable orphans who were now surrounded by mystery and deceit and wickedness at every corner; such was their lot in life and the Baudelaires realized that they had to make the most of their circumstances. So even though they weren't able to stay at the schoolhouse that V.F.D. had been using due to the fact that Mr. Dominic burned it down and even though they hadn't been able to discover a single thing about their parents or their parents' connection to Mr. Dominic or any secret at all whatsoever, even if it had simply been a secret recipe for something the Baudelaires realized that now they were in the back of a cab once again, driving to a location they were unfamiliar with about to perform tasks they didn't fully understand.

The man driving the taxi had only recently come into the children's lives and even though he claimed to be a noble individual they were still undecided about him, a phrase which here means, "Since Falo continuously referred to himself as Count Olaf's evil twin, the Baudelaires couldn't decide if he was helping them or not especially since he seemed to be rather forgetful." "Violet, I cannot wait for you to see where we are going, I bet you will remember it the most. You were either five or six when you were here last, before it was shut down," Falo was saying as they drove toward the city. "Before what was shut down?" Violet asked in confusion. "Now Klaus, I know you're an avid reader, so I am positive that you'll enjoy looking at the library. At least I think there's still a library there, I'm not entirely certain," Falo added cheerfully. "A library for what?" Klaus asked. "And Sunny, your expertise as a cook will come in handy once we can reopen. I am almost positive we can still use the kitchen," Falo commented. Sunny merely glanced at her siblings and all of them immediately realized that Falo was too busy talking to himself to be listening to them.

So the orphans had to sit quietly in the back of the cab as they drove closer to wherever it was that Falo was taking them and hoped that it was somewhere better than where they had been before. During their series of unfortunate events, the Baudelaires had lived at a variety of locations, such as a lumber mill, a penthouse apartment, a submarine and even had been part of a traveling circus. So they had grown accustomed to leaving one place and going to the next, although each time it seemed that they had gotten so very close to discovering something important, a phrase which here means "Count Olaf rudely ruined matters by showing up." But now that the villain was dead, and they were far far away from the island that had been their home for over a year and were members of V.F.D. they had thought things would get better. But their time at the Very Fine Dwelling had proved that wickedness still existed and was already messing things up for them again and although the Baudelaires had no clue what Mr. Dominic had planned for them they were positive that it wasn't going to pleasant. "We're here," Falo exclaimed as he pointed out the grimy window toward a building that was in between two streets.

From their view inside the taxi, it was impossible for the children to figure out exactly what type of building it was. It appeared to be rather large and took up the entire block, and seemed to have no windows except a few on the front near the entrance. From within the taxi, their view was distorted and so the Baudelaires presumed that once they stepped out of the vehicle; things would improve. Whenever you have a distorted view of something, the first reaction you may have is to buy glasses; and after that fails to work you may realize that buying the glasses wasn't actually the problem after all. Because a distorted view usually has nothing to do with our eyes, but with our mind and no amount of eyewear will change how our brain thinks and works. For example, some people have the distorted view that certain types of art are actually quite fantastic despite the fact that I could've done something similar whenever I was very very young. I am not saying this to brag, or to assume I was a genius whenever I was an infant (although perhaps that would explain certain things like how I remembered to sing the entire anthem of a certain secret organization while eating crackers) But what I am trying to convey is that these people presume the artwork of a five year old is in the same venue as a world renowned painter and so therefore a distorted view is created.

For the Baudelaires, they assumed that once they stepped out of the taxi their own view of the building would improve because they thought that what they saw thru the grimy window was surely a mistake. However when Falo stopped the car and got out and then opened the car door for the children, the Baudelaires realized that their distorted view was nothing in comparison to the real thing. The building appeared to be almost entirely boarded up, and the few windows near the entrance were broken and the paint appeared to be peeling off and the lights inside flickered and they realized that the entire place was in fact a theater. "Ah, what a marvelous sight this is to my old eyes. I haven't been here in ages," Falo exclaimed. The orphans looked at their new guardian in confusion and wondered if maybe he too had a distorted view of the theater and then Klaus asked, "What is this place?" "The Ned H. Rirger Theater, built well before you or I were born by a famous man who wrote plays for our organization. Can you guess who that man was?" the evil twin asked. "Ned H. Rirger?" Violet said.

"That's right! You must've heard your parents talk about him from time to time. He's responsible for bringing them together you know. Quite a star that one," Falo said trailing off as he grew thoughtful. "Our mother?" Violet asked. "Come along children, we have to get things ready for the grand reopening!" Falo exclaimed as he approached the door and got out a large amount of keys from his pocket and began to rummage thru them in search of the right one. Klaus, Violet, Sunny and Beatrice's eyes roamed the exterior of the building and they wondered if the inside would be any better looking then the outside. But from Falo's talk about it being closed for many many years, for once the orphans guessed correctly and presumed that the inside would be dusty, moldy, and rundown. But as the evil twin of Count Olaf led them inside the theater, they soon discovered that their guesses about its state paled in comparison to what it really looked like; a phrase which here means, "the theater had sticky carpet, peeling wallpaper, poor lighting, food strewn everywhere, and posters older than Violet." "Eww, all of this carpet is extremely sticky," Sunny exclaimed in disbelief. "There's butter all thru the carpet," Klaus explained as he felt the carpet squish against his shoes.

"Everything in here looks older than I am," Violet exclaimed as she peered at one poster about some sort of play that started with the words "One Last" but the rest was torn off by the passage of time or perhaps a criminal. "Rasana," Beatrice added, which probably meant, "I've never been to a theater before, but I'm sure they're supposed to look better than this." Or perhaps, "Why does Falo look so happy to be in this rundown place?" "Ah children, this place is so wonderful, it is here that every volunteer from our organization was able to learn all that they needed to know about theatrics, acting and playwrights. Why I remember one conversation I had when the-" Falo paused as his shoes stuck against the carpet and then he looked at the children in surprise as if it was there fault and said angrily, "Sticky carpet just won't do for our reopening, children. It looks like we have a lot of work ahead of us." "Shouldn't we wait for the other members of V.F.D. to get here?" Klaus asked tiredly, not wanting to have to clean the entire theater all on his own. "I understand that you are probably tired from the trip, Klaus. But this is not the time to slack off. Our fellow volunteers are counting on us and this theater must be ready for the grand reopening in three days," Falo explained as he walked thru the wide double doors into the main auditorium. The Baudelaires walked across the sticky carpet and followed their guardian inside the dank dark studio and they all gasped in awe. Perhaps they gasped in awe because of the sheer size of the theater, for surely the children had never seen one so large, in fact as they would soon find out, the entire place had well over two thousand seats. Or perhaps they gasped in awe of the massive chandelier that was held precariously above them and appeared to made of solid gold and stood out as the most impressive part of the theater.

Or maybe it was the ornate design of the stage that caught their attention and the children were stunned by how much craftsmanship had gone into creating it. But sadly, none of these were the reason that the Baudelaires gasped in awe, although all of these were very good reasons to gasp in awe but there was another more outstanding reason, and that was the unbelievable filthiness of the theater. On almost every seat, it appeared large amounts of bubble gum had been stuck under them, and drinks had been spilled and popcorn stuck onto the even stickier carpet. The chandelier was humongous in size and also appeared to be so old that it would fall at any given moment and I am sad to report at a certain given moment in this story that will happen. And the stage was extremely worn, the wooden floor appeared to be eaten by termites and Klaus and his siblings worried that if they stepped foot on it they might fall thru. "This place looks just like we left it," Falo complained, his words echoing thru the auditorium.

Violet, Klaus, Sunny and Beatrice looked at each other and no doubt wondered why the evil twin of Count Olaf has expected things to be different when they arrived. "I must say it looks like we have a lot of work ahead of us," Falo commented as he walked down the main aisle, his feet squishing with each step against the butter coated carpet and the Baudelaires followed cautiously after him, and wondered why their new guardian so ecstatic about saving the rundown theater. "It looks like renovating this place could take years, not a few days," Sunny remarked. "Or longer," Klaus added. "And what does this theater have to do with V.F.D. or stopping our enemies? How will refurbishing do that?" Violet wondered. "Dareq," Beatrice added, which probably meant, "Where is Falo heading to underneath the stage?" or perhaps, "This place smells extremely salty."

The three older Baudelaires saw what Beatrice was talking about as the evil twin of Count Olaf opened something in the floor and then seemed to disappear from view entirely. As they got closer, they realized it was a secret door that led down below the stage, and the children carefully followed after their guardian. The basement of the theater was probably the only place that didn't have sticky carpets. But that was only because there were no carpets, and everything was covered in dust. As their eyes adjusted to the darkness, the children saw that there were little pockets of light coming from the trap doors in the stage floor above them, and on the far right wall they saw that there were levers for each trap door, each numbered for that spot in the floor. Falo was busily rummaging thru the various boxes as they got to the bottom of the steps and then he exclaimed, "Aha!" He turned to the Baudelaires and said, "Come over here children and see what I have found." The orphans approached him and looked in the dusty old box which was filled with clothes that looked vaguely familiar and Falo explained, "I believe during your stay at the Hotel Denouement you had the privilege of working as connoisseurs along side Frank or Ernest, isn't that right?" "Yes, we were trying to find out about J.S. and what Olaf and his hench-people were planning," Violet answered. "And we met Dewey and were unable to prevent his untimely death," Sunny added. "And we had to flee from the hotel whenever we helped Olaf burn it down," Klaus lamented. "Well, these disguises won't result in such a terrible tragedy as that, I assure you," Falo said as he took out each one and explained, "You're going to be working under my supervision as employees of the Ned H. Rirger Theater.

These costumes will make our patrons assume you are a part of the theater, and not in fact volunteers; do you understand?" "Why is there a need for disguises?" Klaus asked. "Because we need to lure our enemies here to find out about their dastardly plans," Falo explained. "You mean we'll use this theater as bait for Mr. Dominic?" Violet guessed. "And hopefully other wicked people will also take the bait," Falo said with a nod. "Why would they come here if they know that this place is owned by V.F.D.?" Sunny asked. "When we reopen the theater, I will claim ownership and also, Mr. Rirger is an old friend of your family I am quite certain he won't mind," the evil twin of Count Olaf assured them. "So how do we get them here?" Klaus asked and then added, "What do we use for bait?" "Well that's the most important part of my plan Baudelaires, I am going to use something Mr. Dominic and his cohorts can't possibly refuse," Falo leaned towards them with a wry smile and then whispered, "You."

_**Two**_

If you've ever gotten the chance to go out onto a body of water and spend time fishing, then I am sure you are aware if you hope to catch anything you have to cast your line out and use bait to lure the fish toward you. Sadly this process can take well over three hours or even longer and therefore fishing requires a lot of patience or laziness depending on what type of person you are and whether or not there is a reason you're sitting out on a body of water rather than engaging in more enjoyable social activities.

But on the off chance that you do find pleasure in sitting in a small easily sinkable dingy and casting your line out into the water in the vain hope of capturing an aquatic creature, then you should know that depending on what type of fish you want to catch you must use different types of bait. The reason I am using this analogy is for you to better understand the predicament that the Baudelaires were in whenever Falo explained that he planned on using them as bait to catch Mr. Dominic and his evil henchmen, none of which they even knew about. Because in this case, the Baudelaires were the bait, and they took no delight in the fact that Falo seemed unconcerned about using them to lure their enemies to the theater they were now inside. As their new guardian instructed them to put on their disguises, Violet worried that if Mr. Dominic did find them; he would only cause more problems and the destruction of this theater and I'm afraid she is right. As Klaus adjusted his cap in the broken mirror, he wondered if there were any clues hidden anywhere in the theater about their parents and whether or not they would find any of them and I'm afraid that he was right. And as Sunny tried to fit into the large costume and looked like a very short bellhop, she wondered if there was any chance that they would be getting a warm meal anytime soon and I'm afraid that she was wrong. Once they finished getting dressed they returned to where Falo was waiting for them and were surprised to see that the evil twin of Count Olaf had also changed his clothes and was now wearing a costume that made him appear to be an impresario, that is a man who runs a theater. "Ah I am glad that your costumes fit you so well, Baudelaires. Now, we should really to get to work on cleaning this place up," Falo said cheerfully.

Violet, Klaus, Sunny and Beatrice had a hundred questions or more they would've preferred to ask him, but sadly the man was too excited about the task at hand to allow them to even inquire about a single thing. For example, if Falo hadn't have been in a rush, Violet would've probably asked, "Did our parents work here in the theater too?" And if Falo hadn't shot right up the stairs, Klaus would've inquired, "Shouldn't we wait for our other volunteers to get here?" And had they not been standing alone, Sunny would've wondered, "Can I find a uniform in my size?" But once again, it seemed the answers to their questions evaded them and Sunny was watching Beatrice crawl as her brother commented, "Where are we supposed to sleep at night?" "How in the world are we supposed to clean this entire theater by ourselves?" Violet asked as she thought about all of the sticky carpet. "I don't know the first thing about cleaning carpet," Sunny commented. "So what are we going to do?" Klaus asked. "I think we're just going to have to give it our best shot," Violet decided. What Violet meant was not referring to using a hand weapon to hit a target in a sport, but this phrase of "giving it your best shot" commonly means that a person does all that they can to perform a certain task, and they are doing this even though they aren't positive that what they are doing will turn out all right. So whenever you are giving your best shot, the odds are against you and the best thing to do is give up since you have no chance of actually succeeding.

So when Violet said that she and her siblings should give it your best shot, she probably knew that there a one in a million chance of their succeeding in cleaning the entire theater and even though their attempt to give it their best shot would not succeed and there was a slim chance of them doing much of anything, the eldest Baudelaire had another reason for telling her siblings to give it their best shot. For while they were cleaning the theater, Violet told Klaus and Sunny, "We should search for clues about this place. I know Falo wants us to focus on the reopening of the theater, but we need to know how our parents were involved with Mr. Rirger and how V.F.D. was connected to all of this." Klaus and Sunny nodded in agreement and then the youngest Baudelaire said, "Dratien." Which probably meant, "What are we looking for?" or maybe, "Are we sure we want to be involved in this?" or even, "I wish we could get a good meal before we started our search." Violet picked up the infant and softly rocked her and then commented, "I'll take Beatrice with me, and we can meet up here at the end of the day, does that sound good?" Her younger siblings nodded in agreement and then she said, "All right, lets split up. I'll explore the upper levels. Klaus, clean the auditorium; Sunny check out the kitchen." Sunny headed off toward the entrance and Klaus gathered what cleaning supplies he could and Violet started toward the stairs that led to the upper levels of the theater.

As each Baudelaire attended to their task, they each knew that they were going to give it their best shot. Klaus was going to give it his best shot to clean the entire theater, despite the butter covered carpet and the unbelievable amount of soda pop on the chairs and in the process, search for anything he could learn about their past. Sunny went to the kitchen and gave it her best shot to clean the entire kitchen, despite the large amount of dirty dishes, food thrown all over the floor and attempt to search for clues about their past. Neither of their efforts proved successful and since I have now told you that neither of their efforts were successful, there is no need for me to explain how terrible it was for Klaus to use the few cleaning supplies he had to scrub the floors and to check under the seats and to slowly wash the chairs and there is no reason for me inform you how hard Sunny worked to wash all of the dishes that she could and also used a broom which was twice her size to sweep up the food. So since, their efforts to find anything were unsuccessful it is also pointless to let you know that they didn't finish their task of cleaning the theater.

Violet and Beatrice were also thinking that they were going to find nothing at all, as the eldest Baudelaire held the infant close to her she began to search the dressing rooms of the actors that used to work there. None of the names sounded familiar to her, and inside she found the usual make-up kits, clothes, mirrors and old playwrights. It wasn't until she arrived at the end of the hallway that she found something that made her stop dead in her tracks. The expression, "stop dead in your tracks" usually refers to an event that causes you to stop whatever it was that you were doing and to notice something that has your full attention. For example, if you were walking thru a zoo and suddenly a large ape escaped from a cage and came in front of you, I would presume you would stop dead in your tracks and run the other direction. What may stop you dead in your tracks however, is what stopped Violet dead in hers for there in front of the eldest Baudelaire was a large wooden door. Now, it goes without saying that it was not the door itself which caused Violet to stop in her tracks because if it had been then perhaps had you been there you would've chided her and told her this was foolish. After all, a mere wooden door could not possibly prove frightening to Violet, unless of course there did happen to be a large ape of some sort standing in front of it, in which case I would suggest you apologized to the eldest Baudelaire.

But it was not a large simian that caused Violet to stop in her tracks, or the door itself for that matter, but rather it was the inscription of two letters which was plainly read in the middle of a large gold star that caused her to stop dead in her tracks. It was her younger companion who chose to break the silence and said, "Kaqq!" which probably meant, "Violet, what're you staring at?" or perhaps, "Look! That inscription looks like it could be someone's initials!" This latter statement the youngest orphan made was actually quite accurate for in the middle of the golden star that adorned the door were the letters B.S. In bold black frames. Violet picked up her adopted sister and opened the door slowly, and for the second time, stopped dead in her tracks. On the other side of the wooden door was a dressing room, which appeared to have not been used in quite some time. There were cobwebs and dust covering almost every piece of furniture in the dark room, which made it even more difficult to see anything anyways. There were pieces of half-eatten apples and clutters of paper, torn, tattered and destroyed lying around the room as well. In the east part of the dressing room, Violet spotted a vanity with a mirror that had several cracks in it. If there hadn't been so much dust and mold on the vanity and the armoire close by, I'm sure Violet would've found them quite beautiful, but instead she commented to her adopted sibling, "What a mess!"

"Madango," Beatrice said, which probably meant "I'll get sick if we stay in here too long." or perhaps "Violet, look at all these costumes and dresses" the garments the young toddler was referencing hung in a closet on the south side of the dressing room, where also there were several thumbtacks and Violet presumed old posters had once hung in these spots. "If there were some way we could clean these garments, I'm certain I might fit into some of them," Violet stated. There were costumes for every sort of play imaginable, and even for some that were quite unimaginable, some that had fancy weavings for the part of a princess or a countess and others that looked drab, not by the course of time but because they were meant for the roles of a thief or a peasant. There were some that looked bulky, such as a piece of shining armor, although now the shine was all gone. And there were others that looked extravagant, for the role of perhaps a lion tamer or a circus performer. All of the costumes were far too large for Beatrice to wear although there were three or four Violet suspected she could wear, and she wished if she had the time, she would clean the dresses and try them on, for it had been quite some time since the oldest orphan had gotten new clothes. But Violet knew that neither she nor her siblings had time for such pleasantries, especially considering the daunting task Falo had given them to clean the entire theater in a matter of days, a feat which I must remind you, shall prove impossible for the children.

While she was examining the dresses, her younger adopted sister crawled over to the vanity and got onto the chair setting next to it and began to examine the variety of things on the counter. There were containers of makeup, eyeliner, and powder, a jewelry box which was half empty, mascara, false eyebrows, wigs, color tone, brushes and nail polish and Beatrice quickly guessed that these utensils were meant for the actress to look good while performing. Upon closer inspection, the toddler discovered that there was a small brouchure with fancy writing among all of these other things and quickly she called out to Violet, saying, "Jadana!" which was probably her way of saying, "Violet! Come and see what I found!" or perhaps, "You know I can't read as good as you can" Violet turned from the clothes she was skimming thru to approach her younger sibling and gazed at the pamphlet and for the third time, stopped dead in her tracks. By this time, every single thing that Violet had seen since her arrival at the Ned H. Rirger Theater had been shocking, but this was the most shocking of all. The pamphlet was for a play, of course, seeing as the eldest Baudelaire was in a theater currently; and on the front of it was the following message:

My Silence Knot

by L.S.

at the Ned H. Rirger Theater

to be performed with live animals

My silence knot is tied up in my hair,

as if to keep love out of my eyes.

I cannot speak to the one of whom I care,

a hatpin serves as part of my disguise.

In the play my role is a baticeer,

a word which here means 'a person who trains bats"

The audience may feel a prick of fear,

as if sharp pins are hidden in their hats.

My co-star lives on what we call a brae,

His solitude might not just be an act.

A piece of mail fails to arrive one day.

This poignant melodrama's based on fact.

and on the back was written,

Beatrice, you did fabulously on your part as the Baticeer, I knew you would play it just as a pro that you are. Pay no attention to Esmé's arrogance. I'm sure she will be gone before you know it.

The Baticeer….. B.S

The Braeman…..L.S.

P.S.

Meet me after Wednesday's show, we must discuss a private matter

With all Due Respect, LS

Violet turned to Beatrice, and then glanced at the pamphlet again to make sure she hadn't read it wrong and then said, "I think we should go find Klaus and Sunny." The infant allowed her older adoptive sister to pick her up and together they left the upper portion of the Ned H. Rirger Theater, eager to share their finding with their siblings.

If you, however, have presumed that this clue that Violet found regarding the play was the beginning of good fortune for the Baudelaires, let me reassure you that this was not the case. For in the very next chapter things would continue to get worse for the children whenever they met old acquaintances that they weren't particularly caring to meet again, and whenever Falo points out some facts the children already knew. But since these things are in the next chapter and not this one, I shall instead relate how tired the Baudelaires were whenever they gathered in the basement that night, and Violet and Beatrice chose to wait until the opportune moment to share their news with their siblings. Falo, their guardian, stopped by and stated, "Congratulations Baudelaires, it looks like you're making fine progress. Now I hope you are ready bright and early tomorrow for another day's activity."

"Where will we be staying?" Klaus wondered. "Why here at the theater, of course. I'll be staying in the impresario's quarters upstairs… an impresario, children, is a person who runs a theater. I know we do not actually own this theater, but for the sake of pretenses, I shall play my part," Falo explained and then added, "Remember, we must be prepared to reopen the theater in a few days." As their new guardian left, the children collapsed onto the basement floor to catch their breath from all the cleaning they had done and to plan for the future. Sunny opened up her knapsack and commented, "I found some food that might be edible from the concession stand, it's the best I could do." Klaus looked thru his commonplace notebook and found a photograph that he'd been holding onto since their departure from the Very Fine Dwelling and said, "I wish we could've found out more about this picture." Beatrice and Violet took this opportunity to pull out the pamphlet they'd found upstairs and the eldest orphan said, "Klaus, Sunny, we found a clue upstairs. Look at this."

They passed their discovery to their siblings and the others looked it over in shock and awe just as Violet and Beatrice had and Sunny proclaimed, "Who do you suppose this is?" "Isn't it obvious?" Klaus countered and then added, "Our mother was an actress here, before she got married!" "But who is L.S.?" Sunny wondered and then added, "And why did he write on the back here about her performance?" "I didn't see a dressing room with his name or initials on it, but I stopped exploring when I found this one," Violet commented. "I bet tomorrow while we're cleaning we can find even more clues about this," Klaus said excitedly and then added, "Maybe this is what being a noble volunteer is all about." "I don't particularly care what being a volunteer is all about… I'm just curious about our parents and what happened to them," Violet explained as she yawned and added, "I think we should all get some sleep." The other orphans nodded in agreement and looked around the dark basement and Klaus commented, "I'm guessing upstairs is no cleaner?" "Not really," his older sister admitted. "Then we'll have to give it our best shot to sleep here," Sunny decided.

The Baudelaires each found a spot comfortable to them considering the circumstances, and tried their best to fall asleep despite the myriad of mysteries on their young minds. Violet chose the one chair in the room and rocked Beatrice to sleep, and Sunny climbed inside a broken trunk and slept among the dirty clothes and Klaus slept against the stairs that led up to the stage, which was perhaps the most uncomfortable of all. But for the children, they were accustomed to being mistreated, even by noble people such as Falo claimed to be. They knew that if they hoped to uncover what had happened here at the Ned H. Rirger Theater years ago, they'd have to give it their best shot, even if their best shot would not amount to much.


	3. Three

_**Three**_

If you have ever searched for something because you needed to find it, or simply out of sport, or perhaps you actually weren't searching for something but were actually hiding and instead someone was searching for you in the effort to hunt you down to inform you that the books you authored were so horrendous that it led to many a sleepless night and even a visit to a clinic where such things are studied and the author fearing for his life used every means possible to remain hidden, even though most people presumed he was dead; then you would undoubtedly use the phrase "left no stone unturned."

This phrase means that if you are on such a search for a treasure, or a lost dog or a dismal writer, you would see to it that you searched everywhere and under everything and even could be taken literally if you actually have time to turn over every stone and see perhaps if there is a secret passageway underneath, which I am hoping you do not have the time seeing as I am currently hiding in the garden under a rock formation from certain people who feel that they must leave no stone unturned in confirming that I am dead and not living which in fact I am not. And should you happen to be one of these people and are using this manuscript to uncover clues as to my current whereabouts, I'm not there at all but rather somewhere else entirely.

And if you are a person who is searching for me for another reason entirely, perhaps as an assistant eager to relay some vital information in a case we are both working on, then I would inform you Beatrice; to send help immediately. However it is quite likely that you are neither of these, and therefore it would be far simpler for me to explain what this phrase means in connection to the Baudelaires which is what I was planning on doing either way.

The Baudelaires were not searching for a treasure or a writer in the Ned H. Rirger Theater, but rather were hunting for clues regarding their parents mysterious past a phrase which here means "Violet had uncovered an old movie pamphlet with their mother's name on it and now the Baudelaires felt certain that there must be other clues hidden within the theater, although the ones they found would prove most disturbing to them" and they were seeing to it that they left no stone unturned.

This did not mean that the children were turning over literal rocks, seeing as there were none within the theater, except perhaps a few backstage that turned out to be props. But rather it meant that Violet, Klaus, Sunny and Beatrice used the next day to search for more clues everywhere that their duties took them. Klaus returned to the humongous auditorium and began checking under every single chair for perhaps a loose piece of paper relating to an article, but instead found gobs of gum stuck to them and used his time to scrape it off.

Sunny returned to the kitchen and began to search the cabinets and the shelves for anything of importance perhaps relating to a special banquet that volunteers were involved with yet instead found more clutter and cobwebs within the compartments and she used rags and soap to clean them slowly and wearily. And Violet and Beatrice left no stone unturned by searching thoroughly thru the upper dressing rooms unlike they had the previous day and looked under cabinets and in drawers and closets for any sort of clue relating to their mother, or their father and probably would've been satisfied had they found a clue relating to a distant relative.

Instead, all three of the Baudelaires found nothing whatsoever throughout the day and when they rejoined one another that evening in the basement under the stage, Falo was nowhere to be seen, so the children took the extra time they had to think about things. "I've been thinking," Violet said as she examined the pamphlet again and then added, "Maybe this L.S. is the same person who played the braeman in the play, the one named Lemony." "I've been considering that too, and I remembered that was the name our mother was going to call you if you had happened to be a boy," Klaus commented.

"I've been wondering about that as well, because Kit told us that it was tradition to name a child after someone near and dear to the family who had died. Yet I don't remember our parents discussing anyone named Lemony," Sunny stated. Then the youngest member of their current family said something that caused the Baudelaires to stop and think about their more recent unpleasant activities. "Dominic," their adopted sister commented softly and her three older siblings didn't have to ask as to what she meant. The man she referenced was Mister Dominic a wicked instructor from the schoolhouse that V.F.D. had used some time ago, which the Baudelaires spent a short period of time in until this same wicked individual burned the Very Fine Dwelling to the ground along with all the clues it possibly contained. However, what Beatrice also was reminding her sisters and brother of, were the meager answers they had found. "Beatrice is right, Mister Dominic is the key to this whole enigma," Klaus commented in agreement and then stated, "Do you recall that article he wrote, on '_Why Starting Fires Is Better Than Stopping Them_'?"

"It was in the _Daily Punctilio_," Sunny recalled and then exclaimed, "But the other articles we found were by someone named L.S." "But is it the same L.S.? There are a lot of people who have the same initials, Sunny," Violet pointed out and then added, "When we were at the Hotel Denouement trying to find out who J.S. was, we weren't sure it if was Justice Strauss, or Jerome Squalor or even Jacques Snicket, and didn't know for sure until Jerome Squalor and Justice Strauss arrived."

"So then L.S. who wrote in the newspaper could actually be someone else entirely?" Sunny asked in confusion. "Or the one who wrote on this pamphlet could be another person as well," Klaus added. "So then we really don't know who this Lemony is, except that he apparently knew our mother well enough that she felt it would be the proper thing to name her child after him if it happened to be a boy," Violet said, and probably thought of what a horrible name Lemony is, which by the way if you should ever have the task of naming a newborn child, I would recommend to never ever name your child Lemony seeing as it is a rather terrible name and even if you do have any relatives or friends with this name or perhaps know of a certain author with a similar name or perhaps the same name as the one the Baudelaires were searching for, I would still say to never name your child this and to instead name it something rather beautiful perhaps Abigail or Rebecca. "Maybe we should just ask Falo about all of this," Sunny recommended.

"But he's too busy reopening the theater," Violet argued. "But he was once associated with V.F.D. back in the heyday, maybe he knows who Lemony was," Klaus commented. "Or maybe he knows what our mother's maiden name was," Sunny added pointing to the pamphlet again. This was another mystery that disturbed the children, for other than their mother and father, they knew nothing of relatives, and Violet, Klaus, Sunny and Beatrice didn't know what family their mother had belonged to before her marriage and weren't certain of the significance of this as of yet. "Where is Falo anyways?" the eldest Baudelaire wondered, choosing to change the subject rather than dwell on the latest mystery they'd uncovered. As if that was the signal for him to arrive, the children heard footsteps above them and then Falo's voice called out, "Baudelaires! Where are you?"

The siblings cringed slightly not because they were frightened of their new guardian, but because his voice sounded exactly like that of his good twin Count Olaf and even thought they knew Falo was not his brother, but instead looked exactly like him; they hesitated before walking up the stairs to the stage. What happened next however, was something that didn't have time to prepare for. Unlike the Baudelaires, who experienced the next unfortunate event in their very unfortunate lives immediately, you as the reader have plenty of time to prepare ourselves for what happens, so I would recommend doing so, even though no amount of preparation would prove adequate.

But if you should think you have spent enough time preparing yourself, then I recommend you first go mountain climbing, cross the desert, skydiving, sunbathing, horseback riding, bug hunting, whale watching, and hourglass shopping before you might be slightly prepared for this very unfortunate event. For as the Baudelaires stepped out onto the stage and turned to where Falo was standing, they saw that he was not alone. There were six individuals standing there along side the Baudelaire's new guardian, and these personages were so recognizable to the Baudelaires that they didn't even have to have a second glance at them to know who they were.

And if you are familiar with the tragedies that have befallen the children then you also will be quite familiar with these people and so therefore, the only description I need to give is standing by Falo was a tall man with a long nose, a person that looked neither like a man nor a woman, two powder faced women, a tall man that was actually quite short and a short woman that was actually quite tall and an older man who looked mute. These individuals, although unnamed, were immediately recognizable to the orphans and perhaps are also to you, and since they are it should come as no surprise for Klaus to say, "Its Count Olaf's traveling troupe!"

And it would not shock you to hear Violet exclaim, "I thought we'd lost the powder faced women on Mt. Fraught!" And it wouldn't be unexpected at all for Sunny to comment, "There are new members of his troupe that I don't recognize." All of these statements were quite true, and as the Baudelaires looked at their old enemies and their enemies looked back at them, they turned to Falo for some explanation to all of this, and their new guardian looked quite pleased with himself.

"Of course it is my brother's traveling troupe! If we are going to reopen this theater, we're going to need more volunteers, especially ones with experience on the stage," the evil twin of Count Olaf exclaimed and the three orphans noted that he sounded especially like his brother when he said it. "I'm not sure I understand what is going on here, why are they here?" Violet wondered. "Children, it may surprise you to learn that wicked people may become noble just as noble people can become wicked," Falo answered.

This was actually something that the Baudelaires knew quite well and more recently had been brought to their attention by Mister Dominic whenever he'd showed them that perhaps their parents weren't as noble as the children presumed and perhaps he wasn't as wicked as they originally thought either. "We have agreed to help Falo in his scheme to stop wickedness," the tall man with the long nose explained with a wry smile. "Now that Count Olaf is dead, we no longer have to listen to his wicked commands," the one who looked neither like a man or a woman stated.

"And we are more than happy to return to this traveling troupe now that Olaf has been disposed of," the powder-faced women stated in unison. "I'm new to all of this, but I know that I am more than happy to take the place of that freak from Madam Lulu's House Of Freaks," the short woman who was actually tall explained. "

You mean Hugo?" Klaus asked. "No, Colette," the new troupe member answered. "And I'm unfamiliar with Count Olaf or his wickedness, but I am more than happy to also replace one of those treasonous freaks," the tall man who was actually short proclaimed.

"You mean Kevin?" Violet guessed. "No, Hugo," the newest troupe member replied. The mute didn't speak at all, but the Baudelaires presumed and I must add, correctly; that he too was pleased to be there and to replace a freak, particularly Kevin.

"But where are the others?" Sunny asked. "Those traitors haven't been seen since the fire destroyed Hotel Denouement," the tall man with the long nose stated. "That's not true, the last I heard someone had decided to adopt the trio, although I don't know who would want to raise a bunch of freaks," one of the powder faced women commented. "But they did survive the fire?" Violet asked in surprise. "Children," Falo said coughing softly and then remarking, "I believe we are getting sidetracked. We must remember that the most important thing right now is to prepare for the reopening of this theater, and my brother's traveling troupe has agreed to assist us with this task."

The orphans looked at their former enemies suspiciously and then Violet asked, "How can we be sure that they are trustworthy?" "Well, oftentimes to determine whether or not a person is trustworthy we must first trust them, which is what we'll do. After all, how else could we possibly finish cleaning this place in time for the grand reopening?" Falo pointed out and then added, "Now, children I have something very important to tell you. In order to be trusted by our adversaries I had to tell someone something that wasn't true, a little white lie if you will."

A white lie, does not imply that the lie is any particular color of course seeing as lying isn't associated with the shades of the rainbow, but rather with the manner in which we speak. So when Falo said that he was going to be telling a white lie, he was indicating that some people feel that the nature in which you don't tell the truth can differ depending on how severe the lie is. However, dear reader in this world we rely constantly on truths, and if someone were to lie to you, then you wouldn't be sure what was correct and what wasn't.

Of course the Baudelaires knew this all too well, since many times they had been faced with uncertainty and at times they also had to not tell the complete truth in order to survive. Falo's reason however was entirely different as he leaned toward the children and commented, "I am going to be pretending that I am my good twin, Count Olaf."

"Why would you be doing that Falo?" Violet asked. "Doesn't everyone know Olaf is dead already?" Klaus remarked. "How will this help bring our enemies here?" Sunny wondered. "Gefferi?" Beatrice pondered, which probably meant "If you're actually good then wouldn't Olaf be your evil twin?" or perhaps, "I would've loved to meet the freaks from the Caligari Carnival, and found out why Kevin believed being ambidextrous was freaky." "Well the reason is quite simple, Baudelaires," the tall man with the long nose explained. "Count Olaf was once an actor at this very theater," one of the powder-faced women commented.

"And now, not many people are aware that he has deceased, so Falo can pretend he is his wicked brother and claim ownership of the theater," the other powder-faced woman explained. "And then lure our enemies here to take part in the ultimate prize, disposing of the Baudelaires," the one who looked neither like a man or a woman proclaimed. The children felt unsettled by how excitedly the troupe member had made this statement and turned to Falo who merely said, "I just hope that both of these tactics lure our enemies here to the Ned H. Rirger Theater."

There was a sound from the front of the auditorium and the evil twin of Count Olaf proclaimed, "Now who could that be?" The Baudelaire's newest guardian trotted off down the aisle, leaving Violet, Klaus, Sunny and Beatrice alone with Count Olaf's former troupe. "How did you get off of Mt. Fraught?" Sunny asked one of the powder-faced women, to which her partner replied, "Silly orphan, we walked of course! Although it was especially difficult in the Valley of Four Drafts, but we made it out by following the Stricken Stream."

"And how did you evade the blaze at Hotel Denouement?" Klaus asked the tall man with the long nose. "Olaf told me of his plans to be there, so I chose wisely not to show up at all, if you'll recall correctly I wasn't present during your false trial," the troupe member answered. "So then we still don't know who survived that inferno and who didn't," Violet lamented. "The past can't be changed, children," the other powdered-faced woman proclaimed and then added solemnly, "I often wish we had left Count Olaf ages ago, but he continued to insist that if we stayed with them, we'd be benefiting from it… although we never did."

"How do you expect us to trust you?" Klaus asked. But before the troupe members got a chance to respond, they were interrupted by Beatrice proclaiming, "Pratanda!" which probably meant "Look at the finely dressed man walking along side Falo" or perhaps, "He looks oddly familiar." The individual in question was wearing a blue striped suit with gold cufflinks and had long white hair that went to his shoulders, he looked considerably aged and was holding a cane to keep his balance as he and Falo arrived.

But as the duo approached the stage, the Baudelaires felt their heartbeats race faster and their vigor diminish and as the two people walked onto the stage, Violet, Klaus, Sunny and Beatrice paled in horror as they realized the man standing in front of them was not a movie critic at all, but instead a well disguised person that they'd thought they might've seen the last of, but sadly, that wasn't about to the case for Baudelaires looked beyond the poor disguise the man was wearing and immediately recognized that it was Mister Dominic standing in front of them.

**Bum bum bum! the villain arrives again! please read and review! I take back my original plan to post every 13 days, I simply will as soon as I possibly can, possibly. lol.**


	4. Four

_**Four**_

One of the best things ever written, or at least one of the things claimed to be the very best thing ever written by a great deal of individuals is a play by an aforementioned author who may or may not be a woman depending on where you're from and whether or not you're smart enough to realize William is quite likely a masculine name.

In the play which is world acclaimed a phrase which here means "It became so famous across the globe that it would pointless for me to name it and therefore I shall not be doing so" everyone dies, or at least everybody dies, except for those who don't but those who do include even the main character and so therefore the story is considered a tragedy rather than a comedy because of this fact, although there are certainly many humorous moments throughout the play, but there are too many to name so instead I will point out how dismal and depressing it was because everyone dies and this can be quite shocking to a young reader, especially if it is the very first thing they've ever read and thus it makes you question why many people consider it one of the best things ever written.

This book that you are holding is quite likely one of the worst things ever written and its many pages could never compare to the play I have just mentioned, nor to any other number of works by a variety of other authors. Sometimes however, I reflect back on this horrid work of writing and wonder if there was any particular part that could be considered the best thing I'd ever written. I'm sure that if I asked you, you might scoff and say that not a single word I've written could ever be considered worth note and I would be inclined to agree with you. But for the sake of argument, I will state the best part of the Baudelaire's story is already over.

In fact it ended well before you began reading this story and well before the beginning of the last story that you unwisely choose to read. It happened well over a year ago on the island that Violet, Klaus and Sunny had once chosen to live on, and even though it was also a somber moment because Kit Snicket had given birth to their now adopted sibling, it was also a calm occasion because, Count Olaf; the wicked guardian who had pursued them throughout their journey, had died.

With Count Olaf gone, the children had thought that they would never have to convince anyone again of his wickedness, and they would never again have to deal with one of his ridiculous disguises and in many ways they were quite right. The man standing in front of them was not Count Olaf, but rather Mister Dominic; an equally if not more wicked instructor of V.F.D. whose purpose was unknown to the Baudelaires currently. The disguise Mister Dominic was wearing was that of a theater critic, and considering where they were currently located, the children weren't too surprised with his choice of clothing.

What did shock Violet, Klaus, Sunny and Beatrice however was that neither Falo nor the former traveling troupe of Count Olaf seemed to notice that this wicked man was now standing in their midst. In the past, whenever Count Olaf had shown up, disguised as perhaps a sailor or a secretary or a hospital overseer, the children had quickly recognized him and tried to alert their current guardian, whomever that might have been at the time.

But, in this case, experience had been a proper teacher to the orphans and Violet, Klaus, Sunny and Beatrice stayed quiet as the wicked man gazed at them and then smiled softly. "Children! Don't just stand there! Introduce yourselves," Falo exclaimed and then added, "I'm dreadfully sorry, their parents died in a horrible fire some time ago and they never learned proper manners, you see."

This was of course not anywhere close to the truth, seeing as the Baudelaire parents had only died recently, giving them plenty of time to learn manners, but Violet, Klaus and Sunny decided not to press the issue and slowly stood in front of Mister Dominic one by one introducing themselves. "I'm Violet," Violet said, shaking the villain's hand nervously. "I'm Klaus," Klaus answered, doing the same. "I'm Sunny, and this is Beatrice," the youngest Baudelaire said pleasantly.

Mister Dominic smiled slightly before turning to his host, and stating in a rather thick accent, "I say, Olaf; these children are even more proper than you give them credit for. No wonder you chose to keep them as part of your troupe." "Their parents were once employed at this very same theater, I knew that I would need their help in the days to come," Falo explained, taking on the role of his good twin Count Olaf. "So then these are the Baudelaires?" Mister Dominic replied and then added, "You've forgotten where your manners are as well, my dear Count. Introduce who I am."

"Why of course, how foolish of me," Falo said as if he was chiding himself and then gestured to Mister Dominic and explained, "Children, this is the acclaimed critic, C. Nimodi, from the city of Betterton." C. Nimodi bowed gracefully in front of the children and the troupe and stated softly, "Its a pleasure to work with all of you. Especially you, Baudelaires. I knew your parents quite well, in fact I remember the time when Kit and Beatrice decided to join this theater and met-"

"Come along everyone, we can spend time reminiscing later. This theater won't clean itself, you know," Falo said as he clapped his hands together to get their attention, even though this wasn't necessary because C. Nimodi, the Baudelaires and Count Olaf's former troupe members were standing right next to him. Falo walked off of the stage and the former members of Olaf's troupe followed after him as if he was their leader come back to life. In a matter of moments, the auditorium was empty save for the Baudelaires and C. Nimodi, the critic. "It is certainly a pleasure to see you, children," the tall older man commented.

"You might fool Falo and the others but we know who you are," Violet commented. "You're Mister Dominic and you're up to something dastardly, I'm sure," Klaus added. "Your disguise is even more ridiculous than the ones Count Olaf used to wear," Sunny remarked. The wicked critic smiled slightly and had an odd gleam in his as if he was thinking what the orphans just said was the funniest thing he'd ever heard rather than a revelation that they knew he was the wicked Mister Dominic rather than the theater critic, C. Nimodi.

The Baudelaires had seen this particular look countless times on a number of occassions whenever Count Olaf had been alive. The look, in case you haven't read anything at all I've ever penned, indicated that Count Olaf was thinking of some new sinister plot to do away with the Baudelaires and seize their fortune. However, the children had only recently met Mister Dominic at the Very Fine Dwelling before he'd burned it down, and even though they knew he was equally wicked if not more so than Count Olaf, that had no idea what he was after or why.

"It would seem you know a great deal about the situation already, children, so I suppose it would be pointless to enlighten you any further," C. Nimodi commented as he placed his hands behind his back and slowly circled the orphans. "We can figure things out for ourselves," Klaus decided. "Are you sure about that, Klaus? Because in the past it would seem to me that relying on your own got you nowhere," the critic remarked. "Well we know better than to trust you," Sunny stated to which C. Nimodi replied, "Now, Sunny, are you quite positive of that? After all, being knowledgeable about the theater I could relate a great many things about its past and who was once connected to it." "We trust our parents," Violet proclaimed.

This seemed to amuse the dangerously disguised villain the most and C. Nimodi turned to the eldest Baudelaire and remarked, "Of course you do, you are merely children after all. I could expect no less. But if you did feel that your parents were hiding something from you, now would be the opportune moment to find the answers." "We've searched this entire place and found nothing," Violet stated, choosing not to reveal the pamphlet she and Beatrice had discovered. "Perhaps you've not looked hard enough, or missed something that was there... But you didn't know what it was," the critic replied.

Violet, Klaus and Sunny looked at each other unsure what to do, not because they believed their poorly costumed arch-enemy, but because the children weren't certain why he was helping them now. What scheme he had in mind couldn't have been made any clearer to the Baudelaires and what disturbed them more, was they knew that this villain had once been a noble volunteer and they weren't sure if he was opting to be noble at this point in time since wicked people and noble people change sides every day, even during their sleep. So the orphans weren't quite sure what motivated their enemy to tell them this hint regarding the theater they now were standing in. "If you feel inclined to inquire further, I'll be staying in the office of Mr. Rirger with your guardian, Falo," C. Nimodi said and then bowed gracefully again and left the stage and the children alone.

Violet, Klaus, Sunny and Beatrice sat down on the edge of the stage, each of them considering what to do next, and more importantly how they would survive with so many wicked people in the theater with them. "Do you think the troupe of Count Olaf is on our side?" the eldest Baudelaire wondered. "Or on Mister Dominic's," Klaus commented. "You mean C. Nimodi," Sunny said with a smirk, to which her siblings both smiled and then Violet asked, "Do you suppose Mister Dominic, I mean; C. Nimodi actually knows more about this place then we do?"

"He's been connected to V.F.D. much longer than we have, and we were only recently inducted as members," Klaus answered. "Although I don't feel that the vote counts, seeing as it was a wicked individual who voted for us to stay," Sunny added. "Still, when we looked in the archives of the Very Fine Dwelling, we found the article '_Why Starting Fires Is Better Than Stopping Them_' and learned that Mister Dominic was once a noble person… so maybe he is being noble now," the oldest orphan commented. "Was he being noble when he made us allergic to peppermints?" Klaus countered. "Or when he tricked us and almost drowned us in the sewers?" Sunny muttered. "Fire," Beatrice said, reminding her siblings of the most recent encounter they'd had with an inferno.

"I suppose that's one element that has stayed with us over all this time… its like everything around us is being burned down slowly," Violet remarked sadly to her younger brother and sisters. The eldest orphan sat down on the edge of the stage, and soon her siblings joined her, and they all considered what to do next. "We should warn Falo about Mister Dominic," Klaus commented. "But if we do that, we'll reveal that he is not Count Olaf. And then our enemies might trap us," Violet remarked. "Yes, but in the past when we didn't let anyone know about Count Olaf, things got worse," Sunny stated.

"Things didn't improve much when we did tell our allies about Count Olaf and his wickedness," Klaus commented. "Well, we can't sit here and just do nothing," Violet said as she stood up again and stated, "Let's go talk to Falo privately, I'm sure that'll not be difficult." The other Baudelaires followed their sister out of the auditorium and toward the upper portion of the theater. In this world, although not being a stage, sometimes we feel we are players or puppets being pulled along by strings unbeknownst to us, and any action we take could be a cleverly crafted tactic that our enemies knew we would take, and so therefore making this particular decision could prove to be our downfall.

The Baudelaires were certain that if they went to speak to Falo, things would be settled in a timely manner and everything would return to the way it was before their parents had died. But what the children couldn't even possibly understand, is that the world is a much bigger place than they realized, and that even though they weren't players in a theatrical production, they were being watched and evaluated by others outside the Ned H. Rirger even if they didn't know this yet.

For as they walked thru the lobby of the theater, the siblings didn't even hear the car approach outside, nor did Violet, Klaus, Sunny or Beatrice hear the man walk up to the door of the theater, and none of the orphans noticed anything when he pulled out an envelope and slipped it thru a hole in the door, and then left just as quickly as he'd come. But what the Baudelaires did notice was the envelope on the ground as they went thru the lobby.

It was Sunny who saw it first, as she and her siblings passed thru the messy front entrance, each step they made caused a small squishing sound due to the butter in the carpet. "Violet, Klaus, what is that?" she asked, tugging on Klaus' shirt. The middle orphan paused and turned to see the envelope lying there on the carpet and said, "I'm not sure… was it here before?"

"I don't think so," Violet admitted as she turned away from the stairs to walk toward it. This world is full of mystery, deceit, secret organizations and also hidden recipes, and for the Baudelaires, the opening of another envelope revealed that the world was much more complicated than they thought. If you've ever discovered that there is more to things than you thought there was originally, then it should come as no surprise that the orphans were shocked to find that on the inside of the envelope was a small invitation.

If you've ever received an invitation to something, than you know that someone is planning a special event of some sort and someone has decided that you are worthy of being invited because you are a close companion or a neighbor or a dismal author in need of assistance. For the children however, when they opened it, they weren't quite sure what to make it of it since they had no knowledge that they had been invited anywhere so it was equally confusing when they read on the inside: "

'_To the Baudelaires, you have been cordially invited to attend a masquerade ball in my honor. Please bring your own silverware and special dish and commonplace book.- R_'" Violet said, reading it out loud and then closing it and looking at the front again.

"What is the ERT?" Klaus wondered in confusion, looking at what was printed there. "I'm not sure, I'm more confused as to who R is," Violet remarked. "And why are we being invited to this event, since we know nothing about it?" Sunny wondered.

"Someone knew we were here?" Klaus asked in confusion as he looked out the grimy windows at the city streets, but found that there was no evidence left behind by whoever had left the mysterious invitation for them. "Someone was watching us?" Sunny wondered as she gazed at the envelope and then muttered, "How would they know to come here? We've only been here a few days." "And no one should know we are here, except Falo or maybe Mister Poe…" Violet paused and then added, "Unless of course its one of Mister Dominic's associates and this is a trap." "We should still go to Falo and find out everything we can, and reveal to him about the villain in our midst before it is too late," Klaus decided as he tucked the invitation in his pocket and looked outside once more.

To the Baudelaires, it was very unsettling to find that their world was not as secluded as they thought it was, and each no doubt wondered if perhaps since they'd left the island they had been watched. There were many things that they didn't understand, why their parents had died in a horrible fire, why their friends were now nowhere to be found, why Count Olaf had never mentioned he'd had an evil twin. Or why they had never known of the past regarding their parents, V.F.D., the schism, and so many other things that couldn't even begin to be mentioned.

But they knew that they had to everything they could to find the answers, and as Violet, Klaus, Sunny and Beatrice headed up the stairs to the upper portion of the Ned H. Rirger Theater, they felt sure that if they revealed a certain disguised villain that they could start figuring things out. For example, how was their mother connected to a man named Lemony or why a mysterious invitation with their names had come to the theater or perhaps even why Mister Dominic had changed from being noble to wicked.

But as I pointed out at the beginning of this chapter, I feel that the best thing I have ever written is that Count Olaf is dead.

And since I feel this is the best thing I've ever written, then I know also that nothing after it will ever come close, just as I'm sure a certain author decided that he didn't want to write any more tragedies or dramas or comedies after he'd written the best thing he'd ever written. I too wish I could end the Baudelaires story with the fact that Count Olaf, their former wicked guardian was dead; but alas I know that I cannot and so most inform you that even more horrible things would occur whenever the orphans arrived at the quarters of the impresario and knocked softly on the door. And I must also tell you sadly, that Falo was not inside at all; but instead it was one of the former troupe members and Violet, Klaus, Sunny and Beatrice all gasped in disbelief as they walked in and realized that the tall man with the long nose was now long gone. He lie dead against the mirror, pinned to the wall by what appeared to be a dart, and as the Baudelaires walked in, they realized that they were now in the very middle of a murder scene.

**_Danger and death and secrets await the Baudelaires! Please read, review and share! I would really appreciate it!_**


	5. Five

_**Five**_

It may come to you as no surprise that this world is a very disturbing and unsettling place, especially since such words already exist and can be readily found in dictionaries across the globe unless of course some fiend has ripped those pages out because he was searching for clues to a certain author's whereabouts.

But it is quite likely that you will find a dictionary that has all of its pages intact, and if you do then it would be quite simple for you to look up the words unsettling and disturbing to know that this world can be aptly described as such on certain occasions. It is true that there other times where these particular adjectives do not apply, but seeing as this story deals with them and not other words such as "winning" and "successful" and it is a story of the Baudelaires and how their tragic lives took another turn for the worst, it should come to you as no surprise that I am choosing to use these two particular words to describe the scene that Violet, Klaus, Sunny and Beatrice found in the impresario's quarters.

For nothing could be quite as disturbing and unsettling as finding a dead body in the room, particularly that of the tall man with the long nose who was formerly associated with Count Olaf's acting troupe and the children wondered who had chosen to finish him off, and more importantly why. The Baudelaires already had a good idea as to who was behind this wicked deed, even though the culprit was nowhere to be found in the room. And so as they turned to leave to try and find Falo, they instead found he had come to get them and their new guardian almost fell over them in his stride to his quarters.

"Baudelaires! What're you doing here? The entire theater still needs cleaning," Falo was reprimanding them and paused as he looked inside his current room and saw the same thing the orphans had, but didn't react quite the way they thought he might. "Oh dear, this is awful. We've lost a valuable employee!" Falo said as he rushed over to examine the dart stuck in the back of the troupe member. "Baudelaires! Do you know anything about this?" he asked them, turning to confront the children as if they were responsible for this heinous crime.

Violet, Klaus, Sunny and Beatrice were too stunned from the shock of seeing the dead body to respond, and they were also completely confused because they had recently discovered that someone on the outside was watching their moves and they had come to warn Falo about this matter, yet instead were now involved in a murder investigation. And worst of all perhaps, their new guardian felt that the four of them could possibly be suspects. "We found him like this," Violet replied quickly.

"We were trying to find you," Klaus explained. "But instead we found of the troupe members killed by a dart," Sunny added.

Falo looked at them each suspiciously and then muttered, "Well this won't do at all, we can't have murders popping up in the theater right before the grand reopening! And if our esteemed guest sees this, he could see to it that we don't even get to reopen at all." "But C. Nimodi cannot be trusted," Klaus tried to warn the evil twin of Count Olaf.

"How will we ever finish cleaning the theater now?" Falo declared in desperation as he left the room ignoring the Baudelaires entirely. "It would seem Falo has a lot on his mind," Violet remarked as she turned to the disturbing and unsettling scene in front of her and wondered if her and her siblings were capable of proving what had happened here. "We know that Mister Dominic is the one responsible for this crime," Klaus stated. "But how can we convince Falo of that? He thinks that Mister Dominic is far away from here, and that the illustrious critic, C. Nimodi is here instead," Sunny pointed out. "We need to prove that C. Nimodi is a devious villain and not a world-renowned critic," Violet declared.

"Now why would you want to do a thing like that…?" a voice asked from the shadows in the hallway and each of the Baudelaires immediately froze. They didn't literally freeze of course, because such an experience would've been impossible considering their current circumstances, but they froze in a way because the voice from the hallway was disturbing and unsettling and as their unexpected guest approached the room, the orphans wondered how long C. Nimodi had been standing there.

"Baudelaires! I can't believe something like this would happen in such a beautiful theater as this," he exclaimed as he examined the body and then turned to Violet, Klaus and Sunny and muttered the same words that Falo had minutes earlier, saying, "You wouldn't know anything about this… would you?" "We know that only a wicked individual as you would do such a thing," Klaus declared. "And that you did this to shut down the Ned H. Rirger Theater!" Sunny added.

"For some foul misdeed I'm sure will make you even more wicked than you are already are," Violet decided as she held her adopted sister close to her. "Shut down the theater? I wouldn't dream of it! Why, from the way Falo is talking the grand reopening will be the _piece de' resistance'_ and no wicked person will be able to resist the bait he is choosing to offer," C. Nimodi said with a smirk and then added, "Now how would I benefit from preventing the many villains at large from coming here, gathering in one place for one purpose?"

Violet, Klaus and Sunny looked quite puzzled to hear their arch-enemy hear this and the eldest Baudelaire asked, "But why did you kill the tall man with the long nose?" "And why do you have Falo believing you'll shut down the theater if you find out about this?" Klaus wondered. "First of all, in any investigation there must be proof, my dear Violet," C. Nimodi commented and then turned to the middle Baudelaire and remarked, "I need Falo to act according to my plan, otherwise everything could go awry.

The only real problem I have, is you meddlesome brats." The orphans each took a step away from the dangerous critic as he smiled evenly and replied, "I see that I have managed to instill some fear in you, that's good. But I think you should find it more disturbing and unsettling that this is not the first murder that has happened here in this theater."

And may I note, that although none there knew this; it would most certainly not be the last, and since you are now aware of this very disturbing and unsettling fact I believe it would be wise for you to attend to other matters that aren't quite as disturbing and unsettling, such as setting table clothes or cleaning chimneys. "Is that what caused this place to shut down before?" Klaus guessed. "And what happened to the real C. Nimodi?" Violet presumed.

"And our parents?" Sunny wondered. "I'm surprised you've not heard this story before, children. I thought Count Olaf would've related it to you, or perhaps his evil twin might've considering that this place is where their parents were killed…" The Baudelaires each gasped in surprise at hearing this, because it had not in fact been the first time they'd heard of the death of Olaf's parents.

It may surprise to you learn that even wicked people in their wickedness were once children, just as it may be difficult to consider your parents were likewise once young and had parents of their own. In fact this may be very unsettling and disturbing that you realize every person who ever walked the earth was once a child and once had parents who are now either older or dead.

I have a vague memory of my own parents at some points in my life before a certain secret organization grabbed me by the ankles and led me away, but they aren't that clear so it is even more difficult for me to remember who my parents were even though I am positive that they exist otherwise I wouldn't be here. But for the Baudelaires, it was hard to believe any mother might've nurtured Olaf or treated him kindly, and it must've been rather difficult to assume that the wicked villain who had caused the children so much grief had once had a father who had taught him right from wrong.

In fact, in the case of evil people, usually you and I might assume just as the Baudelaires did that the very reason that wicked people become wicked is because they don't have parents. In Count Olaf's case, this could've been actually true considering that his parents were gone before he got a chance to learn these particular lessons. But none of this was of interest to the Baudelaires at this moment, instead they wondered why in the world the disguised C. Nimodi was sharing with them this information about Olaf, a villain who is thankfully quite dead.

"Olaf's parents were murdered here?" Violet asked, repeating what she'd just heard. "Yes, by the very same poisonous darts that inflicted our poor friend here," C. Nimodi commented gesturing to the tall man with the long nose. "Who killed them?" Klaus asked.

"Now that… my dear, Klaus, could perhaps be the most disturbing and unsettling truth of all… and I think that it would be far better for you to discover this on your own," C. Nimodi remarked as he walked beside the children and then left the impresario's quarters entirely. Violet, Klaus, Sunny and Beatrice didn't need a dictionary even if one had been readily accessible to them to know that when the clever critic had used the words disturbing and unsettling, because considering the scene that was in the room where they stood, they already knew what these words meant just as I'm sure you do.

So when their enemy told them that Olaf's parents had died in this very theater, by the very same poison darts that now were involved in a disturbingly and unsettlingly similar crime, the Baudelaires were both disturbed and unsettled by this. "C. Nimodi is trying to trick us," Violet decided. "Or maybe lure Falo and the other members of the troupe into a trap," Klaus said.

"Or maybe he sent that invitation here, to confuse us," Sunny said, reminding her siblings of the reason they'd originally come up here. Klaus pulled out the invitation and the envelope they'd found in the entrance to the Ned H. Rirger Theater and examined it again. "We have no idea who sent this here or why," Violet remarked. "Or if it was meant for us… or for our parents," Klaus added.

"If that's the case, its extremely late delivery service," Sunny replied with a chuckle. Beatrice the youngest of the group remained quiet because she had chosen to take a nap, and so she wasn't disturbed or unsettled as the other orphans were by the mysterious invitation. Violet, Klaus and Sunny would've preferred to sleep than to worry about all of the many things that they were experiencing while at the Ned H. Rirger Theater, but sadly they were now too old for such a pastime, even Sunny who had only recently stopped acting as an infant and was trying to be as brave and strong as her older brother and sister.

So thankfully, Beatrice could nap as her older adopted siblings wondered about all of these things and she could sleep as they heard Falo calling from down below. Violet cradled the youngest Baudelaire in her arms as Klaus placed the invitation in his back pocket and Sunny closed the door behind them to the disturbing and unsettling scene behind them. The Baudelaires hurried back to the auditorium where Falo, C. Nimodi and the remaining members of Count Olaf's acting troupe remained.

"My fellow volunteers, we have a terrible situation here at the Ned H, Rirger Theater," the evil twin of Count Olaf proclaimed and then explained, "One of our fellow members has died, due to a poison dart." The other troupe members all gasped in shock, as did C. Nimodi who proclaimed, "We certainly cannot have this, especially so close to the grand reopening." "I had thought that you might conclude such a thing, which is why I've decided the best decision to make in this instance is to convict the ones who were closest to our friend at the time," Falo proclaimed and then turned to the Baudelaires and said, "Violet, Klaus, Sunny and Beatrice were there in the room whenever this horrible crime took place."

The children gasped in shock at hearing their names being called out, and even the devious critic, C. Nimodi frowned in surprise at hearing this news. "But my dear Count, they are only children," the villain commented. "I recognize this, and so certain rules don't apply to them yet but this is a most severe crime and it is entirely disturbing and unsettling. Which is why I have decided for the time being to lock them in the basement underneath the stage," Falo explained. "Will they have food down there?" one of the powder-faced women commented.

"And what about running water?" the other asked.

"Or fresh clothes?" the one who looked neither like a man nor a woman wondered.

"It doesn't matter, does it?" the evil twin of Count Olaf replied and then turned to the children and remarked, "If they are the culprits they don't deserve such a commodity, and if they are not, then we'll know that soon enough too." Falo pointed toward the trap door in the stage and said, "Let's get them down there and out of the way before they cause anymore trouble."

The other members of the troupe surrounded the orphans before they even had a chance to consider escaping. It was both unsettling and disturbing to the Baudelaires to see the many wicked people coming at them at all sides, and Violet, Klaus and Sunny and Beatrice weren't certain what to do as one of the troupe members grabbed them and they were hauled toward the stage. Falo opened the trap door and said, "We'll make sure they don't cause any more wicked deeds."

As the Baudelaires hit the hard floor below, Falo leaned down and whispered, "I'm so sorry about this children."

"What're you doing?" Violet asked. "Why are you doing this?" Klaus wondered. "Have you decided to be a wicked person instead of a noble one?" Sunny asked. "Of course not, don't be absurd. I still fight for V.F.D. and all that we stand for. But I have to keep appearances," Falo explained and then added, "There was another way out of here… years ago…Good luck, Baudelaires."

Then without even giving them a chance to object, their supposedly noble guardian closed the trap door and they heard Falo walk off the stage as he chattered with C. Nimodi and the remaining members of Olaf's acting troupe. "We're trapped down here," Violet lamented. "Falo said there was another way out, we have to find it as soon as we can," Klaus reminded them and began looking around.

"It could've been destroyed years ago," Sunny pointed out. "But we have to try out hardest to find it," Violet told her siblings and then added, "Maybe some of those levers for the trap doors work." The Baudelaires hurried over to where the metal levers were and quickly each of them pulled one.

But sadly, as they went down the rows of levers, it shouldn't surprise you that not of them worked out of all 139 levers, although Violet, Klaus and Sunny gave up after about 50 so there is no way to know for sure, but I would say it's a safe bet, especially since years later I visited this same theater and pulled every single lever not for mere research but also because the authorities and my enemies were pursuing me and I had no idea what to do or where to turn and I was desperate to outsmart them, yet sadly did not so if you're reading this I need bail in order to meet you back at the discussed location. But the Baudelaires were too tired from the many discoveries they'd experienced that day, and so they each realized that before they tried to search any further, they all needed rest.

"I guess we're stuck to sleep down here again," Klaus lamented. "It could be worse, remember at the Very Fine Dwelling we had to deal with random storms and leaky roofs in the dilipadated buses," Violet pointed out. "Or whenever we had to sleep in very dusty cells in the Village of Fowl Devotees," Sunny pointed out. "I suppose we've had our fair share of the worst," Klaus conceded. "We can be thankful for what we do have," Violet decided.

The Baudelaires each found a spot to sleep, the same ones they'd found the previous night, each thankful for various things.

Violet was glad she had explored the upper portions of the Ned H. Rirger Theater and found the pamphlet with her mother's name in it, although she had no idea what it meant yet. Sunny was thankful that the troupe of Count Olaf had shown up so they'd not had to clean the entire theater on their own, even though she wasn't sure why they were here.

And Klaus was thankful that they'd received another mysterious envelope from an unknown source, even though he wasn't sure who R was or what the ERT was, or even what they'd been invited to, but he was eager to find Sunny and Beatrice were thankful that they hadn't been there when the man with the long nose had been attacked by their adversary, otherwise they might've been in danger as well.

Just as I am thankful that I once met a woman named Beatrice and fell in love with her, even though this may have no consequence to you it has consequence to others and it led to many bitter consequences.

But that is another story that is of no consequence to this one, and so consequentially it would be better if no further tears were shed, but rather you moved on, to another more consequential matter in the next chapter of the Baudelaires unfortunate and eventful days in the Ned H. Rirger Theater and how they met with another dangerous villain from the past and how this as well proved disturbing and unsettling to the children and led to many, many more terrible consequences for all those involved.


	6. Six

**_Six_**

If you have read this far into the story, then you know as well as I do that the expression "in over your head" aptly applies to the situation that the Baudelaire children were now in. To be in over your head usually refers to when you are tackling some problem and you soon find that it cannot be solved.

For example if you were attending a poetry recital and you suddenly discovered that you were on the wrong side of town and in the wrong secret organization and then hastily went to retrieve your bicycle only to find the tires had been slashed and then to run on foot thru the pouring rain only to collapse from exhaustion and almost be run over by a bus in the process, then you would be in over your head. The scenario the Baudelaires were currently is not quite as frantic as the one I just described but was nevertheless just as daunting for Violet, Klaus, Sunny and Beatrice.

For when the four siblings awoke in the dusty and half lit basement underneath the stage in the Ned H. Rirger Theater, they were in over their head in a variety of ways. Sunny probably felt that she and her siblings were in over their heads when it came to the task that Falo had ordered them to do, namely that of cleaning the entire theater.

And Klaus probably realized that he and his sisters were in over their head when it came to solving the many mysteries that seemed to follow them wherever they went, such as who had killed Olaf's parents, what they had inivited to and what had become of all their friends from the Hotel Denouement.

And Violet no doubt knew that she, Klaus, Sunny and Beatrice were in over their head regarding stopping C. Nimodi and his wicked schemes, whatever they might be. And since even one of these obstacles would cause you to be in over your head, I can say undoubtedly with all of them combined that the Baudelaires had no chance whatsoever in tackling them. Which is why, since even the most incompetent and foolhardy person could easily tell that these tasks were impossible, that when the Baudelaires decided to try and accomplish them then you know that they would be doomed to fail.

And since you are fully aware that the children are in over their heads and also know that as things progressed they would find themselves in over their heads to a greater degree than you should do the proper thing and stop reading now, before you get in over your head. Violet was the first to wake up and when she did she walked up the stairs to check and see if the trap door Falo had thrown them down was still locked shut and after confirming that it was, began checking the walls for any sort of secret passageway that might help her and her siblings get free from the basement.

By the time she had checked and rechecked the eastern wall Klaus had woke up and proceeded to start on the opposite wall for any possible means of escape. But despite their best efforts, neither Baudelaire found anything by the time Sunny and Beatrice had woke up. The four siblings sat together in the dimly lit basement and Sunny commented, "Falo was wrong! There's no way out of here! We're in over our heads!" "But we have to try, or C. Nimodi will surely murder another member of Count Olaf's troupe," Klaus replied. "It just doesn't make sense," Violet remarked as she examined the south wall for the fourth time. "What doesn't Violet?" Sunny asked her older sister.

"Why would an evil individual such as C. Nimodi be murdering equally wicked people?" her sibling responded. Klaus, Sunny and Beatrice shrugged, unsure of what motivated C. Nimodi the world-renowned critic and even more unsure that they wanted to find out. "Maybe Sunny is right and we are in over our heads," Klaus commented. "But we can't let that stop us!" Violet proclaimed as she began to search the basement dressing quarters. "Violet, its hopeless! We don't stand a chance against C. Nimodi and his villainy," Sunny stated as she and Klaus followed her down the cramped hallway.

"So what do we do then? Give up?" their sister countered. Klaus and Sunny looked at the floor shamefully because they knew that this was exactly what they were implying and Violet glared at each of them before commenting, "That's not what our parents would've done, and I'm sure they were in over their heads plenty of times." "Maybe they were in over their heads when the schism occurred," Klaus remarked. "Or when the fire burned down our home," Sunny said sadly.

"Maybe so," Violet conceded but added firmly, "But more importantly even when they were in over their heads, they kept going! They didn't give up!" Klaus and Sunny both knew that their older sibling was right and decided that being in over their heads wasn't the time to back down. "You're right," Klaus admitted. "I'm so ashamed that I considered stopping now," Sunny remarked and then they began to assist Violet in searching for a way out of the basement.

Meanwhile, Beatrice was going in the exact opposite direction of her older brother and sisters, crawling straight towards a portion of the floor that looked different from the others. As the toddler pressed down on the brick, there was a loud noise from the other end of the hall where Klaus, Violet and Sunny were. "Kadack!" Beatrice cried out which probably meant "what was that loud noise?" or perhaps, "Klaus, Sunny, Violet! I think I found the passageway that Falo mentioned!"

The Baudelaires all went to where the noise was coming from and as Violet picked up Beatrice, the four of them watched a portion of the wall move in front of them. Beyond it lay a dark hallway which they couldn't see the end of, and the orphans immediately felt in over their heads all over again. "I guess this leads outside," Violet stated as she tried to peer down the shadowy tunnel. "We can't just go down there, it might be booby trapped," Klaus objected. "It looks like there are spider webs and bats in there as well," Sunny commented. "There must be a flashlight or something in one of those old trunks," the eldest Baudelaire decided and went to rummage thru each of the trunks carefully. "Mawai," Beatrice said, which probably meant, "Why didn't we think to look in those trunks before for vital clues?" or perhaps, "If you find any food that is still edible pass it to me because I am famished!"

Sadly the oldest orphan didn't find a scrap of food in the trunks although she find a variety of other odds and ends, including fan belts, rubber bands, napkins, bookends, broken swords, dusters, tablecloths, unfinished scripts, songbooks, diving helmets, rope, metal filers, nail trimmers, rugs, batteries, bottles of wax, jars of glue, containers of paint, plastic bags, marbles, torn shirts, a spool of black thread, embroidered masks, silverware, harpoons, cat food, candle holders, door knobs, curtains, light bulbs, pieces of wood, code books, flyswatters, fake knives, ketchup, a faucet head for the sink, jackets, supper dishes, pans, washcloths, buttons, paper clips, wallets, pennies, shoes, socks, zippers, cups, shards of glass, mirrors, ball gowns, slippers, old keys, rubber, bed sheets, mousetraps, window cleaner, dictionaries, crayons, red ink, empty files, rocks, Venetian blinds, pillow cases, alarm clocks, ice cube trays, blue pants, containers of mustard, damaged boots, envelopes, forged letters, garments of unknown origin, individually wrapped top hats, juggling equipment, knife boxes, luggage, mop heads, tufts of fur, matches, hairballs, and an old record that was half broken.

As Violet, Klaus, Sunny and Beatrice looked thru the mass of junk in front of them, they felt completely in over their heads when it came to sorting thru it. "There's not a single flashlight in all of this stuff," Sunny declared after she successfully rummaged thru one trunk, tossing stuff out to the floor beside her. "I don't see anything we can use in here," the middle Baudelaire commented as he finished looking thru another box and stated, "Although I did find some batteries."

Violet examined the other materials and then tied up her long hair with a bow and her siblings immediately realized that she had concocted some new idea as to how they would traverse the passage. Klaus, Sunny and Beatrice all stood by patiently as their older sister gathered some of the stuff from the trunk and then walked over to one of the desk that was toppled over. "Klaus, help me push this back up," she commented. Her brother did so and as soon as it was standing up again, Violet placed the materials onto the desk and commented, "We have here, wax, superglue, candleholders and pieces of wood, and some matches. We can use this to make a candle for our trip down the tunnels." "That's a brilliant idea Violet," Klaus commented.

"I just hope the light doesn't attract the bats," Sunny stated. As the oldest orphan finished making the candle, the siblings gathered back at the entrance to the secret passage and Violet stated, "I suppose this is it." The Baudelaires gathered all beside her, and as one they moved thru the dark tunnel as quickly as they could. To say that the passageway the children found themselves in was dark probably wouldn't be descriptive enough to explain, so instead I shall simply describe it in a more profound way.

The tunnel in which the Baudelaires traveled was dark, dark, dark, dark, dark, dark, dark, dark, dark, dark, dark, dark, dark, dark, dark, dark, dark, dark, dark, dark, dark, dark, dark, dark, dark, dark, dark, dark, dark, dark, dark, dark, dark, dark, dark, dark, dark, dark, dark, dark, dark, dark, dark, dark, dark, dark, dark, dark, dark, dark, dark, dark, dark, dark, dark, dark, dark, dark, dark, dark, dark, dark, dark, dark, dark, dark, dark, dark, dark, dark, dark, dark, dark, dark, dark, dark, dark, dark, dark, dark, dark, dark, dark, dark, dark, dark, dark, dark, dark, dark, dark, dark, dark, dark, dark, dark, dark, dark, dark, dark, dark, dark, dark, dark, dark, dark, dark, dark, dark, dark, dark, dark, dark, dark, dark, dark, dark, dark, dark, dark, dark, dark, dark, dark, dark, dark, dark, dark, dark, dark, dark, dark, dark, dark, dark, dark, dark, dark, dark, dark, dark, dark, dark, dark, dark, dark, dark, dark, dark, dark, dark, dark, dark, dark, dark, dark, dark, dark, dark, dark, dark, dark, dark, dark, dark, dark, dark, dark, dark, dark, dark, dark, dark, dark, dark, dark, dark, dark, dark, dark, dark, dark, dark, dark, dark, dark, dark, dark, dark, dark, dark, dark, dark, dark, dark, dark, dark, dark, dark, dark, dark, dark, dark, dark, dark, dark, dark, dark, dark, dark, dark, dark, dark, dark, dark, dark, dark, dark, dark, dark, dark, dark, dark, dark, dark, dark, dark, dark, dark, dark, dark, dark, dark, dark, dark, dark, dark, dark, dark, dark, dark, dark, dark, dark, dark, dark, dark, dark, dark, dark, dark, dark, dark, dark, dark, dark, dark, dark, dark, dark, dark, dark, dark, dark, dark, dark, dark, dark, dark, dark, dark, dark, dark, dark, dark, dark, dark, dark, dark, dark, dark, dark, dark, dark, dark, dark, dark, dark, dark, dark, dark, dark, dark, dark, dark, dark, dark, dark, dark, dark, dark, dark, dark, dark, dark, dark, dark, dark.

If you were to reread that description several times, then you would understand fully just how dark the tunnel was as the Baudelaires struggled to make their way thru it to the other side. But even though Violet, Klaus, Sunny and Beatrice did manage to survive this feat and made it to another trap door they would soon find that they were well in over their heads. Because as they opened the other trap door, the orphans found themselves in the middle of a dressing room in the Ned. H. Rirger Theater, one they hadn't seen before, and the children weren't quite sure what to make of it.

It was contrary to everything they'd seen before, a phrase which here means "the other dressing rooms that the orphans had found were filled with debris, trash and other materials of unknown origin, whereas this dressing room was not cluttered at all and looked like it had only recently been used" and Violet, Klaus, Sunny and Beatrice wondered how it was possible that this place looked so clean in comparison to the other rooms they'd visited. "We must be behind the theater somewhere," the eldest Baudelaire remarked. "How could this place be so clean?" Klaus wondered. "

It boggles the mind," Sunny admitted. The children got out of the secret tunnel and looked around the well-adorned dressing room for any clues at all. Beatrice crawled underneath the bed and found portions of an old poster, and Violet looked thru the dressers to find old scripts and Klaus went thru the closets to find old costumes and Sunny went along the walls to find old thumbtacks. All of the children gathered in the middle of the room and placed what they had found on the bed and Violetg commented, "These scripts were written by someone named Al Funcoot." "Fadana!" Beatrice exclaimed, which Sunny translated to say, "She said that is the same name she found on the old posters."

"And some of the clothes I found had the name Funcoot sewed into them," the middle Baudelaires remarked. "I guess it would be safe to assume this dressing room belonged to Al Funcoot, whoever that was," Violet decided. Beatrice was trying to point to the pieces of the poster she had found and then tugged on Sunny's shirt so that her slightly older sister would pay attention.

When the former toddler started piecing together the remains of the poster, she gasped at what she saw and realized that she was in over her head. "Violet! Klaus! Come look at this," she exclaimed as she pointed toward what she and Beatrice had put together. The older Baudelaires examined the remade poster and each immediately understood why their younger siblings had acted with such urgency, for on the poster read the following message "_Warning To Those Who Stand In My Way" _and below that it read _"By Al Funcoot, starring Esmé Squalor_" but neither of these proved to be as significant as the picture that the poster formed, and Violet Klaus, Sunny and Beatrice found themselves staring at Count Olaf and his wicked girlfriend,Esmé Squalor.

"So then Count Olaf starred in Al Funcoot's play," Klaus realized. "As did his evil girlfriend,Esmé Squalor," Sunny added and then remarked, "Although I'm guessing this is before she and Jerome married." "Wait a minute," Violet commented as she reexamined the poster and then remarked, "I'm fairly certain that Al Funcoot, is actually Count Olaf." Klaus and Sunny looked at their sister in surprise and then examined the poster again as well to confirm she was correct. "Of course, it's an anagram," Sunny realized.

"Thada?" Beatrice commented, which probably meant, "So C. Nimodi wasn't lying when he said Olaf used to own this theater?" or perhaps, "What's an anagram?" The Baudelaires all realized the significance of this, as I'm sure you do and rightly they could say that they were once again in over their heads. "Do you suppose Olaf was working here at the same time as our mother was?" Violet wondered.

Klaus pulled out the pamphlet they had found earlier in one of the dressing rooms upstairs and pointed to the back of it stating, "When Lemony wrote this note, he indicated that Esméwas our mother's co-star… but why wasn't she a member of the cast?" "And why does this play, _My Silence Knot_ sound nothing like the one that Al Funcoot wrote, _Warning To Those Who Stand In My Way_?" Sunny wondered. "Part of the title is missing," Violet pointed out and then added, "When we first arrived here at the Ned H. Rirger Theater I noticed a portion of an old poster in the lobby that said "_One Last_" I'm betting it's the first portion of the title that Al Funcoot choose, it sounds like a thinly veiled warning to the volunteers of V.F.D. from Count Olaf."

"In these scripts, Al Funcoot plays the most handsome man in the world," Klaus commented and then added, "That sounds all too much like Olaf."

"None of these things matter right now, we should search for a way out of here, so that we can confront C. Nimodi, and prove his wickedness to Falo and the others," Sunny decided. "Yes but we could also be tossed back down here if we simply ran out to meet our enemies… maybe we should change what we're wearing," Klaus suggested as he pointed toward Al Funcoot's closest full of costumes. "What did you have in mind, Klaus?" Violet asked. "I was thinking back to our time at the Caligari Carnival, where we pretended to be freaks for Madame Lulu's show," he explained and then pointed toward some of the clothes and added, "Beatrice could be Chabo, the Wolf Baby, since you are too old Sunny. Violet, you and I can take on the role of Beverly and Elliot again and Sunny, you could be our trainer."

"Dawaq," Beatrice remarked, which probably meant, "I don't want to wear a bunch of fur on my head" or perhaps, "But when you disguised yourself at the Caligari Carnival, Count Olaf wasn't fooled and you wound up almost getting yourself killed atop Mt. Fraught," which, if you've read any of the previous unfortunate events of the Baudelaires lives; you know that she spoke the truth. "I have no doubt that C. Nimodi will recognize we are the Baudelaires and not the freaks we pretend to be," Klaus said as he carefully laid the costumes onto Al Funcoot's bed and then explained, "But the point is to convince Falo that we aren't Violet, Klaus, and Sunny Baudelaire."

"Falo is our guardian," Sunny pointed out. "But he is also the person who locked us here in the basement," Violet admitted and then added, "Maybe if we make him think that we are auditioning for the upcoming grand reopening of the Ned H. Rirger Theater, we can be closer to Count Olaf's acting troupe, as well as the movie critic, C. Nimodi." "Plus it will give us a chance to see if the members of Olaf's troupe are noble or wicked," Klaus explained.

His siblings all came to a mutual agreement and in a matter of fifteen minutes they had successfully disguised themselves as freaks. Beatrice was covered in hair from head to toe so much so that she looked not like an infant any longer, but more like a half creature baby, which was exactly what her siblings had been hoping for. Violet and Klaus had found a straightjacket and some powder and old wigs enough to make them look like a two-headed person just as they'd once pretended to be in the Caligari Carnival.

Sunny found a costume of a lion tamer and looked the most dashing out of all of her siblings, although the costume didn't fit her quite right but she dealt with this knowing that if she could pretend to be their trainer, they might wind up finding out what C. Nimodi the wicked critic was up to. "I think I've found the exit to the back of the theater," Sunny commented as she slowly pushed Al Funcoot's vanity aside. Klaus and Violet carefully walked together, each taking one step so that they didn't trip over one another and Beatrice let out little growling sounds to get into character. As they left the hidden room behind, the Baudelaires soon found themselves in another winding hallway, which eventually led to the front of the Ned H. Rirger Theater, where they found themselves exiting behind the stairs of the lobby.

The theater appeared to be no more clean than when they had left it, and offhandedly Sunny wondered why the troupe of Olaf wasn't performing their tasks. It was then that they heard voices in the large auditorium and the Baudelaires knew that the group was inside doing some sort of activity. "Everyone remember your parts?" Klaus asked.

"Chabo!" Beatrice squealed in excitement. "I am your trainer, Hope, and you are the freaks, Chabo the Wolf Baby and Beverly and Elliot the two-headed freak," Sunny decided. The Baudelaires all knew that it was a long shot when it came to their disguises working, but what you may be unaware of is what awaited them within the auditorium.

If you feel that Violet, Klaus, Sunny and Beatrice even stood a chance at uncovering the many mysteries that had caused them to be in over their head at the Ned H. Rirger Theater, then let me take this moment to explain to you what a long shot is. The term refers to the fact that something you are trying to accomplish is so impossible that the chances of you succeeding in performing this task are so infinitesimal that you should give up before you even start.

For example, I once attempted to train a bat, the very same one that had brought me a letter from a beloved companion stranded on an island and sent it off to her hoping she would get it. However, I came to find out that training bats is rather difficult and takes months of hard work, so the chances of my letter returning to her were rather slim and now that I look back on it I recognize it was actually a long shot that the bat might've made it across the sea at all.

For the Baudelaire children, it was a very long shot that their costumes as Beverly and Elliot the two-headed freak and Chabo the Wolf Baby and Hope the Lion tamer would work at all. And it was also a very long shot that they would fool C. Nimodi and the acting troupe of Count Olaf enough to find out what these people were up to.

And it was the longest shot of all perhaps on the part of the children to presume that they even had a shot at accomplishing any of these things, especially since there was another dastardly villain waiting for them in the auditorium, which none of the Baudelaires would've presumed by a long shot. For as Violet, Klaus, Sunny and Beatrice entered the auditorium, they heard a whining voice from on stage and noted that most of the troupe were standing there along with Falo, C. Nimodi and one other person. It shouldn't surprise you at all to realize that the children were well in over their heads already, considering the many reasons I have listed in this chapter alone, so therefore it might come to you as little surprise that they were now in over their head again, for as they approached the stage they immediately recognized who this other person was, just as I'm sure you would've had you been there.

The actress was decked with a long fur coat and a half polka-dot half striped dress which covered most of her body and she wore large reflective sunglasses which could only be described as gaudy and out of this world, and she was ranting and raving to the members of Count Olaf's troupe in such a way that the Baudelaires immediately knew who it was, even if her unreasonably clothing wasn't a clue enough for them. It was Esmé Squalor, Count Olaf's former wicked girlfriend and Violet, Klaus, Sunny and Beatrice immediately realized they were well in over their heads.

**_More trouble awaits the Baudelaires! Read, review and share! please! I appreciate it!_**


	7. Seven

**_Seven_**

Being caught flat-footed does not refer to someone removing your footwear and discovering the abnormal feet you have but instead is an action that can happen whenever something unexpected catches you off guard and you're not quite sure what to make of it.

For example, if you were to go to the zoo and look for a rhino and then arrive at the pen wherever the rhino was supposed to be and yet instead found a man dressed in a rhino suit, you could say this caught you flat-footed because you were expecting to meet with a live rhinoceros and yet instead you came across a poor excuse for a rhinoceros, even if the costume did make the man look rather like what you had hoped for.

Or in another case you could be hiding in a zoo in a rhino costume trying to ascertain a key piece of information on the off chance that another member of another secret organization was nearby or perhaps in another costume of equal nature and didn't realize you were hiding there among the rhinos and then a patron of the zoo realized you were a fraud and pointed you out to security, then you could say you were caught flat-footed.

But neither of these scenarios has a bit to do with the one that the Baudelaires were now in, and even if there had been rhinos or those in such costumes within the Ned H. Rirger Theater, I think it is safe to say that Klaus, Sunny, Beatrice and Violet wouldn't have been caught flat-footed on account of such disguises considering that they were now also trying to hide themselves amongst their enemies in the hope that neither Falo nor the former troupe of the wicked Count Olaf would toss them back down to the chamber below the stage. Rather what did surprise the orphans was the unexpected arrival of the equally wicked girlfriend of their former enemy and the four children weren't sure why Esmé Squalor was there, or more importantly; what she was plotting.

Since their last meeting with the devious girlfriend had been in the burning inferno that had swept thru the Hotel Denouement, Klaus, Sunny, Violet and Beatrice weren't sure what wicked schemes the female villain was hatching now in the year since they'd talked.

And what caught them flat-footed also was that they realized their disguises might not make a bit of difference now that Esmé was here, considering the fact that she had also been present whenever Violet and Klaus had pretended to be Beverly and Elliot the two-headed freak and Sunny had been Chabo, the wolf baby at the Caligari Carnival. So all of these things combined, along with the stare that she was now giving to them was more than enough reason for the Baudelaires to feel that they had been caught flat-footed. Sunny, in her shock at seeing Olaf's former wicked girlfriend; whispered Esmé's name as if it were a curse and the horribly fashioned lady muttered, "How is it you know my name, whelp?"

Before Sunny got a chance to reply, the villain was standing over her and gazing at the youngest orphan thru the massive sunglasses she wore and snarling, "What a horribly annoying midget you are. It looks like you belong in the House of Freaks." Falo was gazing at the Baudelaires as well, and Violet and her siblings wondered if he too had perceived that they were tricking him and would he now toss them back into the cellar below. The wicked C. Nimodi remained the most silent of all, his careful eyes monitoring everything the children did as if they were on scrutiny and Klaus and his sisters knew all too well that at least one person wasn't deceived by their disguises.

"I am Hope, the Lion Tamer; from the famous Caligari Carnival," Sunny replied, trying to hide the fear in her voice. Esmé continued to gaze her and then muttered, "I thought Olaf burnt that miserable carnival of Lulu's to the ground. But then again I guess it wouldn't be the first time someone escaped one of his botched infernos." "The fire was most severe, but my traveling companions have tried our hardest to revive the act we wish to perform," Sunny replied, trying to maintain a foreign accent; which might I add considering her recent transition out of toddlerhood was actually quite simple since not everyone except perhaps her siblings could clearly make out everything she said.

"And who are these? Your freaks?" the former girlfriend of Count Olaf guessed as she walked over to where Violet and Klaus stood in their confined costume and then glared down at Beatrice who was covered with fur before remarking, "Seems like I've seen all of you before." "Our act is quite famous, Madame Lulu trained us herself in her famous House Of Freaks. We are Beverly and Elliot, the two-headed freak and this is Chabo the wolf-baby," Violet explained. The villain narrowed her eyes, which might I add were completely surrounded by mascara and for a moment the children felt that their cover had been blown.

To have your cover blown is an odd expression all in itself and can mean a variety of things but in the simplest way it means whatever secret you were trying to keep hidden was not out in the open. For example, if you were spying for your closest companion to try and find evidence of his innocence in local newspaper headings but then someone pulled your bullfighter mask off and declared you were still alive and not in fact dead and then you had to flee from such an establishment then you could say your cover had been blown.

Much to Klaus, Sunny, Beatrice and Violet's surprise however Esmé merely replied, "Oh yes! I've heard about your act! How marvelous to finally meet you!" To state that the orphans were perplexed upon hearing this would be like stating a train can go very fast whenever it gets up to speed, both statements are so obvious and so therefore don't need to be mentioned. Falo seemed to relax just as Esmé declared this and then remarked, "I was beginning to wonder if I would have enough volunteers to assist in the play!"

"Which brings us to the matter we were debating, my dear Count. You know that I have always had the lead role in "One Last Warning To Those Who Try To Stand In My Way" and I will not even think to consider another!"

Klaus and his siblings exchanged meaningful glances at one another and wondered if Esmé Squalor was actually fooled by Falo pretending to be his good twin, Count Olaf, or if the wicked girlfriend could tell that the man in front of her was a fraud. Either way, it didn't seem that the villain had any intention of revealing Falo or the Baudelaires as she stormed about the troupe members and barked, "I refuse to play second best to _**her**_ again! I'll not have it! Do you hear me? We're going to produce the play that is my _piece de' resistance_!"

The women with the powdered-faces tried hard to keep from giggling at Esmé 's poor attempts to speak French and Falo sighed in defeat before stating, "I think the final decision should be made by our esteemed guest and theater critic, C. Nimodi." All eyes turned to the man standing in the back of the crowd, whose own gaze had not left staring at the Baudelaire orphans and the woman who looked tall but actually was short muttered, "Yes, let Mister Nimodi determine which play we will perform." "Yes, C. Nimodi will know what's best, he is familiar with the theater," the short man who was actually quite tall agreed.

Even the mute seemed eager to hear what the wicked theater critic had to say.

"Well it would seem that the decision has fallen on me," C. Nimodi remarked and then sighed and said, "I think that the play should be "One Last Warning To Those Who Stand In My Way" and that is because Al Funcoot is the most renowned writer who ever was here in the Ned H. Rirger Theater."

Esmé smiled in triumph and then gazed at all of the members of Count Olaf's before remarking, "Well don't just stand there! We have a lot of rehearsals to prepare!" As the various members of the troupe began to create a set, Klaus, Violet, Sunny and Beatrice slowly moved to the other side of the stage where Falo and C. Nimodi were standing. The Baudelaire's current guardian and their adversary both seemed to be regarding them with cautious looks and Falo stated, "I hope you freaks know what you're getting into. You maybe in over your heads."

Violet, Klaus, Sunny and Beatrice already realized this as I'm sure you also do considering the long list I gave you in the last chapter so there will be no need to reiterate that list in this chapter unless of course you chose to skip the last chapter in which case you are probably quite confused as to why Violet and Klaus were masquerading as Beverly and Elliot the two-headed freak and Beatrice was pretending to be Chabo the wolf-baby and Sunny was attempting to play the part of Hope the Lion Tamer.

And since these events alone would surely befuddle you seeing as you hadn't read of them it would be even more foolish on my part to explain again in detail how the Baudelaires were in over their head, but I might add that the arrival of Esmé Squalor only made that list even longer and the Baudelaire's scenario that much more dire.

"Well I think these freaks could prove invaluable to the theater, their experience at the Caligari Carnival only proves that they can become excellent actors as well," the devious critic remarked his eyes gleaming slightly as if the wicked man considered his remark funny.

"I suppose so," Falo conceded and then asked, "But what tasks can a bunch of freaks help with?" C. Nimodi gasped in surprise and chided the Baudelaire's current guardian stating, "Why my dear Count! You should realize that a two-headed freak such as Beverly and Elliot can do twice the amount of work as one of our other volunteers, so they should sweep this auditorium! And of course, since Chabo the wolf-baby isn't human, any old food such as popcorn or candy we find stuck to the chairs it can gladly devour for us! As for Hope the Lion Tamer, she is accustomed to danger and should set to work on repairing the rafters above the majestic chandelier which also should be dusted properly."

Falo turned to the freaks and stated, "All right, you heard Mister C. Nimodi, get started on these tasks right away!" "What assignment will you be carrying out?" Sunny asked underneath her costume. The evil twin of Count Olaf smiled and answered, "There are to be a lot of guests here tomorrow night for the grand reopening of the theater and I need to make sure as many wicked individuals as possible come, along with noble ones too…"

Falo paused as if he felt he had said the wrong thing and then quickly added, "To make sure that they are quickly captured just as the Baudelaire children have been." C. Nimodi nodded and remarked, "Speaking of those miserable orphans, we should check and make sure that they have not escaped the cellar."

Klaus, Violet, Beatrice and Sunny all held their breath realizing the wicked theater critic's true intentions, as I'm sure you already were well aware of seeing as you know that a group of freaks were not standing in front of their former guardian, nor was a wicked theater critic intending to make sure the Baudelaires were safe, but rather to reveal them as the very freaks I have just mentioned who were now waiting to see what Falo's response might be to this suggestion.

"I think that is a marvelous idea! Before you freaks set out to your various assignments, I need you to make a nice meal for the orphans whom I have trapped underneath the stage. I know that they are probably quite hungry after having stayed there for most of the day," the evil twin of Count Olaf replied and at this the four siblings relaxed realizing that for the moment their identities were safe, and also recognizing that their current guardian knew exactly who they were.

"We would be delighted to," Klaus said. "Seeing as we are a two-headed freak, it should be easier for us to make a meal for your captives," Violet added with a smile.

C. Nimodi seemed displeased that his attempt to reveal the orphans hadn't worked and stormed off of the stage to follow the rest of the troupe who were already at work. "Excellent! Then we haven't a moment to lose! The grand reopening of the Ned H. Rirger Theater is tomorrow night, freaks! Get to work immediately," Falo said with a wink. Now that the four children were at last alone, they took a moment to regroup and gather their thoughts a phrase which here means "Klaus, Violet, Sunny and Beatrice talked in length about the many ways they were in over their head."

Bringing the most important matter to mind, the eldest Baudelaire asked, "What do you suppose Esmé is doing here?" Her brother shrugged and replied, "I'm more curious to find out how she survived the fire at the Hotel Denouement." Sunny nodded in agreement and remarked, "And how is she unaware of Count Olaf's demise." "Eferena," Beatrice stated, which probably meant "I think that woman has something in mind to trap us all" or perhaps "I'm more interested in getting a good meal then deciphering all of these mysteries."

Her siblings agreed with her on both translations and the four walked thru the auditorium to the concession stand and started to gather what food they had left for a small lunch. "All of this is aged and dry, but it's the only thing we have to eat," Klaus lamented. "We just need to keep our strength up and then go about the assignments C. Nimodi has given us," Violet suggested as her brother passed her some bread, which considering they were both still confined to the trench coat that made them look like Beverly and Elliot the two-headed freak, was actually quite easy.

"I could get used to being a lion tamer," Sunny said as she examined herself in the reflection and then added, "Fortunately there are no lions around for me to worry about." "Do you suppose that C. Nimodi is planning on hurting another member of Count Olaf's troupe… or maybe Esmé?" Klaus asked his siblings.

"Considering everything we've gone thru, maybe she deserves it," Violet remarked. Her younger brother and sisters looked at her in surprise and the eldest orphan explained, "I was only joking."

It is unclear whether or not Violet Baudelaire actually was joking, considering all of the vile deeds that could be attributed to the former girlfriend of their deceased adversary Count Olaf. And since I also well aware of many other misdeeds that Esmé performed both before and after her marriage to Jerome Squalor, then it may surprise you to feel that I also shared Violet's feelings that if something happened to the female villain it would be precisely what she deserved.

However, considering what I know now, I must admit that I should not have had such terrible thoughts because no one, even a wicked villain deserves to die. Not only that, but such thoughts as wanting to do ill will to those who have caused countless hardships on us can cause us to wonder whether we are noble or not, and since that is something that all of the Baudelaires were unsure about I cannot say for certain whether Violet meant what she said since I have never had the heart to ask her about this incident, considering what would soon happen on the night of the grand reopening of the Ned H. Rirger Theater, which will also occur only a few chapters away and if you continue reading then may I warn you now that even though we cannot say for a certainty whether or not the eldest Baudelaire was joking about wanting something to happen to Esmé I can definitely assure you that something will happen to the wicked girlfriend of Count Olaf and it will be most unpleasant indeed.


	8. Eight

_**Eight**_

There is a rather famous play that was written quite some time ago that I have mentioned at least twice in this story and will probably reference again considering how similar this work of fiction is in comparison to the dire situation that occurred at the Ned H. Rirger Theater on following days of the Baudelaire's short stay there.

The similarity that I am referencing is the fact that both are tragedies and many innocent people die. Often times whenever a person reads this famous play, they know precisely what the outcome will be whenever they discover that it is a tragedy since there are many other works of fiction, some by the very same author as this world renowned play and in those many people died and so the reader can expect that to happen in this one as well.

But the reason I am drawing this to your attention isn't because I am suggesting you go and read this dismal and depressing tales of death, even though doing so would actually be in your best interest because you might actually enjoy them; but rather to point out that since I am already aware of the outcome of the events that will occur during the grand reopening of the Ned H. Rirger Theater you should heed my advice and not read any further to find out for yourself just how tragic it turned out to be.

If you do continue to go on and perhaps think that I am being untruthful then you would find out that Violet and Klaus returned to the auditorium to sweep it thoroughly just as C. Nimodi instructed them to and Beatrice began to search under the seats for any food or trash and clean it up just as the wicked theater critic requested that she do and Sunny went up to the highest level of the massive theater and carefully walked across the beams to begin dusting them off just as the Baudelaire's adversary expected her to.

It is often customary for me to relate to you precisely what happened in the order of it happening seeing as this helps you to not be confused and wonder what did actually happen, but considering that in the following hour of their time spent at the Ned H. Rirger Theater all things happened at the same time, I shall instead start with Violet and Klaus who were busy sweeping the stage and trying hard to listen to Falo and Esmé talk, while also attempting to look busy.

If you ever tried to eavesdrop then you know doing so is usually frowned upon but it can prove advantageous in certain situations, such as if you wanted to find out how the former girlfriend of a particularly meddlesome villain had managed to escape an inferno, or if you wanted to discover the secret recipe to the pancakes you had ate last Thursday, both would require you to be close to the parties who had such knowledge.

But considering that in both instances the party who had this information would quite likely not share it with you, you would then need to pretend to be doing something else so that you might catch snippets of information relating to the questions you had and hope for the best, even if you instead obtained something else entirely.

For Violet and Klaus, as they swept the large stage they tried to slow their progress down so that they might overhear what Esmé was discussing with their current guardian. "…Beatrice! Do you hear me?" the villain said and the two siblings tried to contain their excitement as they realized in this instance they had chosen perhaps the most opportune time to eavesdrop, if in fact such a thing exists. "I understand, my dear Esmé but that's the only room we have that suits your needs," the evil twin of Count Olaf replied and the two orphans wondered if the villain was even remotely fooled by Falo's attempt to be his brother.

"I don't care! It is _**her**_ room and we are sworn enemies! She took what was rightfully mine to begin with!" "The troupe are working as hard as they can to change the initials from B.B. to E.S.," Falo pointed out. Esmé threw herself into a rage and yelled, "Its not just a matter of what is on the door! Countie! I want my own room with the most expensive imported wine and the finest costumes tailored to fit me perfectly and I want it now!" The evil twin of their former wicked guardian sighed underneath his disguise and explained slowly, "My dear, I would like to do nothing better than to give you exactly what you want, but this entire theater is sorely lacking in many respects… so you… will have to **DEAL **with it."

Klaus and Violet were taken aback by the firmness in Falo's voice, and realized that they'd heard Olaf use the same harsh tone many times before whenever he was scolding Esmé. Whether or not the female villain was fooled was another matter entirely and the two orphans paused in their work expectantly to see her reaction.

Just then, she noted that they were watching her and Esmé barked, "What's the meaning of this? You freaks are supposed to be cleaning this auditorium not eavesdropping on conversations!" She stormed up to where Klaus and Violet were standing and added, "If I didn't know any better, I'd say the two of you were spying on us." "Freaks! You know that you're assignment was to clean this stage, not to stand around and listen to us," Falo agreed hastily and then added to Esmé, "And if there are any spies whatsoever amongst our midst, I will handle it immediately."

"Well someone has to be responsible for the death of that troupe member," she pointed out. "Of course and we know exactly who!" Klaus said, realizing this might be a good opportunity to reveal C. Nimodi to their allies. "Is that so?" Esmé asked narrowing her eyes as she glared at them and then Falo quickly explained, "Naturally, the freaks heard C. Nimodi and I discussing the traitors earlier… the Baudelaire orphans have certainly become a sour bunch since their parents died."

Violet looked at their current guardian in surprise and wondered if he knew the truth or not, but then recalled his recent request that they take a meal to themselves and guessed that now Falo was only trying to protect them again.

So instead of going along with her brother's plan to reveal the dangerously deceptive theater critic, the eldest Baudelaire nodded her head toward Falo and answered, "I know exactly what you mean, we've heard stories of those meddlesome orphans from back when Madame Lulu was alive." Esmé Squalor continued to glare at the children and then remarked, "Very well, but I'm warning you freaks, I have my eye on you."

As she walked off of the stage, something quite unexpected happened.

Now the reason I say it is unexpected is because you haven't read that portion of the chapter, seeing as it happens later and not now, even though both happen at the same time, you see? As I explained earlier, since the events that took place in the Ned H. Rirger Theater all happened at the same time, it would be rather pointless on my part to put them in chronological order seeing as there is none and so therefore I chose to relate to you Violet and Klaus' portion of the story seeing as they are closest to the ground.

But as the female villain walked off of the stage of the dusty theater, a loud cry from above rent the air and everyone on the ground turned to see someone falling from the rafters above. Klaus and his sister screamed in surprise, as did Esmé herself whenever the troupe member crashed to the ground below. For a moment, no one moved as if the entire thing had been a dream and then they all rushed toward the center of the stage where-

Now at this point it would be prudent on my part to stop from telling you what happened on the floor of the theater and instead shift to the concessions stand where young Beatrice was busy hauling food to the trash receptacle. I understand of course your desire to find out precisely what Violet and Klaus discovered whenever they got to the place where the troupe member fell to their death, but seeing as other things happened before hand it would be against my duty as an author to choose not to relate to you these matters first.

Of course you could easily skip ahead and try to find out precisely what did happen there in the center of the Ned H. Rirger Theater whenever Violet and her brother, disguised as a two-headed freak attempted to save their sibling from being prosecuted but it would prove rather confusing unless you had heard about the conversation Beatrice overheard while working behind the counter at the concessions stand.

Now, the infant who was named after a person I am particular fond of was slowly but surely disposing of the immense amount of trash to be found in the auditorium by hauling to the lone receptacle in the back of the theater. Already the trash was overflowing, but this didn't dampen Beatrice's one bit, whether this was because the toddler enjoyed getting the exercise or because she occasionally took some of the food for herself, I cannot say; but what mattered more was that whenever she got to the counter someone walked into the theater that she immediately recognized.

It was C. Nimodi the wicked theater critic and he appeared to be looking around the room as if he was searching for something. Wisely, the youngest Baudelaire stayed behind the counter and heard footsteps from the stairs where she spotted another member enter the lobby, the troupe member who looked neither like a man nor a woman.

"There you are! What are you doing here? I thought that we had a deal!" C. Nimodi remarked as he walked toward the troupe member. Beatrice fell silent as the two villains walked toward one another and she slowly dropped the trash and moved under the counter where she couldn't be seen. If you ever tried to eavesdrop, a practice I'm sure you realize is not advised especially if you're trying to be friendly; or are trying to win someone's heart.

So whenever Beatrice sat down behind the counter to listen to the theater critic and the troupe member who was neither a man nor a woman she knew that there was a risk that she might be heard, which is always a problem whenever you do eavesdrop seeing as the very practice requires that you not be seen by those you want to listen to. "Actually I arranged everything as you requested…I'm fairly certain she'll take care of things," the troupe member explained.

"This is not a gamble I like to take… whenever matters are uncertain. I planned everything accordingly. There can be no mistakes," C. Nimodi remarked. "I honestly don't see the point in this venture! We should head to the mark immediately! You know they're waiting!" the troupe member who was neither a man nor a woman explained.

"Will you keep your voice down? Don't you realize that the stakes are high? Especially with those meddlesome Baudelaire brats here? I want them disposed of immediately!" the wicked theater critic growled. "I wonder why that idiot Falo thinks we don't know who he is. Do you suppose he knows that you're actually-" "What did I just say about shutting your trap?" C. Nimodi remarked angrily and then grabbed the troupe member by the arm and added, "Do you want end up like your friend?"

"Sorry, sorry, I'm just nervous. Back whenever we worked with Olaf, at least then I knew where everyone's loyalty was at," the one who was neither a man nor a woman stated.

"I told you to never speak that idiot's name again or I'll arrange for the same thing to happen to you as it did to him," the wicked theater critic snarled.

"Sorry," the troupe member muttered and then nearly fell over the counter as C. Nimodi pushed him or her back. Sadly there was one thing that did cause the genderless troupe member to fall and that was the youngest member of the Baudelaire family, who was sitting right where the critic pushed his companion over and then fell backward into the trash the infant had gathered.

As his cohort slammed into the ground, C. Nimodi, the devious theater critic; looked over the counter and down at the disguised infant before smiling ruthlessly, which by the way is not friendly; and then remarking, "Well, well; it would seem we have a spy here already. "I told you they was everywhere boss," the troupe member remarked as he or she got out of the trash and brushed himself or herself off. "Tell me my dear, why are you back here?" the critic asked.

"Rawr?" Beatrice replied trying her hardest to play the part of Chabo the wolf-baby, but as you might've guessed the jig was up for Beatrice and the equally disguised villain reached down and took her by the back of her shirt, lifting her up off the ground and remarking, "You just can't seem to stay out of trouble, can you?"

Without making another word, C. Nimodi walked toward the auditorium and Beatrice wondered just what it was that the wicked man planned on revealing. But none of that mattered one bit for upon entering the large auditorium of the Ned H. Rirger Theater, something totally unexpected occurred. Now, if you have actually already read what happened earlier and yet at the same time to Violet and Klaus, then you would recognize that this is actually not unexpected because you already read about it, but to those who actually witnessed this event it was completely unexpected both then and now because these things actually happened at the same time.

At any rate, a loud cry of alarm came from well above all of their heads and C. Nimodi and Beatrice, disguised as Chabo the wolf-baby looked up to see one of the troupe members come crashing down into the auditorium. For a moment, no one moved as if the entire thing had been a dream and then they all rushed toward the center of the stage where-

Before I go on to relate to you what is that the wicked theater critic, Esmé Squalor and Violet, Klaus and Beatrice witnessed along with the others in the auditorium, I'm sure it should be clear to you that we must now go back and retrace the steps of Sunny Baudelaire, who perhaps might be the most significant of all, considering that she was in fact above all of the rest on the rafters at the very time that Klaus and her eldest sister tried to eavesdrop on Falo and Esmé and at the time that Beatrice tried to eavesdrop on C. Nimodi and the troupe member who was neither a man nor a woman.

And since it is quite likely that you already read these events that occurred at the same time as what happened to Sunny it should be noted that the toddler was alone high above the auditorium as she carefully began to clean the rafters.

If I could tell Sunny just how brave she was to climb up there and slowly sweep the rafters and remind her of what a good job she did I would, but sadly; I cannot do that for the sole fact that something quite terrible occurred while the formerly youngest orphan was up there and as I'm sure you're very well aware by now it is the same something that has already been mentioned twice in this chapter, even though it only happened once. So it shouldn't surprise you one bit that one of the powder-faced women came from the flight of stairs behind Sunny to speak to her, unless of course you chose not to read those sections, which might actually be the wisest course of action you've taken and I would suggest you continue skipping over every section of this story until you arrive at the end and then assume you've just read a very good book.

However, if you instead did read the previous sections then you are already aware of what took place, but not how or why. As Sunny slowly swept the rafters, the powder-faced woman nervously clung to the edge of the balcony and called out to her, "You there, freak! Come here!" the former toddler nearly was caught off balance herself as she heard the troupe member call to her and turned around to face her before asking, "What are you doing up here?"

The powder-faced woman tried to act casual and explained, "I was told to come up here and to push you off… but I've thought about it. And I can't do it!" Sunny looked at her in surprise and then muttered, "Who would ask you to do such a thing?"

"It was supposed to look like an accident, make the board you are walking upon weak… and watch you plummet to your death. But I can't! This is too much like Olaf! I can't allow an innocent freak like you to die! Even if I am in danger, I can't do it. So I came to warn you!" Sunny nodded fractionally and asked, "But who asked you to do this? Was it C. Nimodi? Esmé? Who?"

"Hold on, I can't hear you, let me get closer," the troupe member replied and then carefully began to walk across the rafter.

If you have read any of this chapter at all, particularly the beginning where I warned you that this story is quite like a rather famous work of fiction wherein many innocent people tragically perish; then you must also know that walking across a rafter whenever the wood itself is already rickety, a word here which means "unstable"; then it would be very foolish to do so, and if you continued to read this chapter, then you are already well aware of the two instances of a certain troupe member falling to their death to the auditorium below where others such as Falo, C. Nimodi and Sunny's older siblings found the body in the center of the massive theater.

So since you're already well aware of these events occurring, then let us say it is safe to say that this powder-faced woman will not be returning. And now that I have related to all these horrendous events, which are in fact the very same event seen thru various person's perspective's then it should not surprise you that whenever Esmé, Klaus, Violet and Falo arrived and found the body of the powder-faced woman, they immediately looked up and spotted Sunny and Falo declared, "She must've pushed her off the rafter! This is horrible!"

"I knew it was foolish to trust a freak," Esmé declared. And whenever C. Nimodi came with Beatrice and the troupe member who looked neither like a man nor a woman arrived and saw what had happened, the theater critic declared, "All of these freaks should be locked up somewhere!" "Lets lock them in the cellar with the Baudelaire orphans!" he or she decided.

The theater critic turned to the evil twin of Count Olaf and said, "My companion has the right idea, but we can't let these conspirators conspire together, that is what traitors do. Lock them in that useless dressing room in the back of the hall!" "You mean _**her**_ room! But Countie you promised that room to me!" Esmé growled to which Violet and Klaus tried to resist pointing out that earlier she'd objected to using the very same room. "Our guest has a point, we can't have any more murders; especially with less than a day before the grand reopening. Take them to the room and lock them up!" Falo decided.

Before the freaks, Beverly, Elliot, Chabo the wolf-baby or Sunny who was still high above in the rafters could object; the remaining troupe members led them to the room in question at the back of the hall and locked them there. Now that you have finished reading this chapter, and I presume the terrible event that happened within I ask you, wouldn't you have much rather read a terrible tragic work of fiction, or perhaps a different one entirely… one about bunnies?

**_Please read review and share! :] i would really appreciate it!_**


	9. Nine

**_Nine_**

In the business of theater, otherwise known as show business; there are many different terms used to explain various times during a play such as "to set the stage" which commonly refers to the time of the theatrical production whenever the beginning takes place and the story is set into motion, such as if you were begin talking about a group of orphans who were happy until one day they were on the beach and were approached by a banker who informed them of an extremely unfortunate event, then you would realize that this set the stage for many more horrible tragedies to plague these children so if you chose to continue reading, it would be your own fault if at the end you lost all of your hair and perhaps several days reading about them.

So whenever the author, or a producer sets the stage, they are telling you what the story will be about. This of course, is well past the point where the stage to our story has been set; but I was just pointing this phrase out to you to inform you of the many different phrases those in show business use. Another, commonly used at the end of a theatrical production is a simple phrase that is actually one word, and that is "curtains". This word is actually a cleverly disguised phrase that means the show is over, and there is nothing left to be said.

However, it can also refer to whenever a particular part of the story comes to a close unexpectedly, or in some cases whenever an important actor dies. And now hopefully the reason I have chosen to use this phrase is abundantly clear, considering the recent deaths that had occurred surrounding the Baudelaire orphans short stay at the Ned H. Rirger Theater. In affect, for the two troupe members who were now dead; it was curtains. And Violet, Klaus, Sunny and Beatrice wondered if it would be curtains for them soon, especially since they had again been trapped in another room inside the theater with an even lesser chance to escape, seeing as there were quite likely no underground passages on the top level of the theater.

So as they sat there, all too stunned from the recent death of the powder-faced woman to say anything, it seemed that eternity passed while the four orphans contemplated what they'd each just witnessed and then as if all at once, they began to tell each other what they'd discovered. "Sunny! Beatrice! We think that Falo knows about we're actually the Baudelaires and not freaks from the Caligari Carnival!" Violet and Klaus declared while Sunny stated, "Violet! Klaus! Beatrice! I didn't push the powder-faced woman off the rafter, she fell!" and Beatrice merely cried out, "Cradanka!" which probably meant, "Violet! Sunny! Klaus! C. Nimodi is planning something dastardly and that troupe member who looks neither like a man nor a woman is helping him" or perhaps, "Everyone be quiet so we can tell each other everything that happened."

Her older siblings realized the wisdom in the infants words, particularly because they also knew finding escape in the dressing room would prove impossible so the three elder Baudelaires sat down on the bed and then Sunny knelt down and lifted Beatrice up before commenting, "Who wants to go first?" "Sunny, you should; you were there above the chandelier whenever this happened. What did the powder-faced woman say to you?" Violet asked the former toddler. Sunny then went on to relate to them the strange things that the former troupe member had told her high above the auditorium and as she finished, Klaus and Violet looked at each other in concern and then Sunny asked, "Do you suppose she was telling the truth?" Beatrice then eagerly nodded her head and said, "Ferband."

Rather than spend the time to explain to you the translation of her words, seeing as you already witnessed what Beatrice did in the previous chapter, unless of course you did skip it whenever I told you to, which is quite surprising considering the many warnings I've given you to do such that; so if you did in fact not read that instance whenever C. Nimodi and the troupe member who was neither a man nor a woman discussed something rather important, then it would be actually necessary for you to go back and read them so that you'd know what Beatrice meant whenever she said "Freband." But seeing as you've read this far into the story, and the stage has already been set and so on, I find it quite likely that you did the instance in question and so therefore it won't be surprising to find out that Violet, Sunny and Klaus were all silent upon hearing what Beatrice had to say.

"So C. Nimodi knew all along that we are the Baudelaires, I should've guessed," Klaus declared. "I guess these disguises are pretty terrible," Sunny admitted. "But what matters more is what that wicked theater critic was plotting. What were he and Count Olaf's old troupe member talking about?" Violet wondered. "I thought that troupe member died in a fire long ago," Klaus commented. "Probably just missed Olaf driving away," Sunny commented. "The past doesn't matter right now…he or she, seemed to think being here at the Ned H. Rirger Theater was a waste of time. And said something about needing to go somewhere called "the mark" because someone was waiting for them there," Violet pointed out. "And apparently they were discussing someone else taking care of an assignment… do you suppose that they were talking about the powder-faced woman?" Sunny wondered.

"Creada," Beatrice agreed which probably meant, "I bet they were, cause that troupe member was discussing with Sunny what C. Nimodi was telling her to do… to kill us all." "I don't understand, why would the theater critic want us out of the picture? We know that he has tried before. But now he is toying with us! What does he want?" Violet growled angrily.

"With this villain you can never be sure,"Klaus commented and then added, "But two troupe members are now dead… do you suppose C. Nimodi realized that the powder-faced woman would not hurt Sunny? And planned for her to fall on that rafter?" "So you think that he is systematically knocking off the troupe members?" Sunny asked in surprise.

"That may be true… but then why was the man or woman cooperating with the theater critic whenever Beatrice eavesdropped on them?" the eldest Baudelaire wondered. "I don't know, but we can't solve anything from this room, we need to figure out how to find a way to escape!" Klaus decided. "You're right, we're pretty much out of the action right now. And I think this is exactly what C. Nimodi wants! He wants us away from the auditorium on the night of the grand reopening. Something is going to happen whenever all of the noble and wicked people gather here!" Violet realized and then added, "I think the theater critic is planning curtains for another troupe member, and we have to find a way out of this room before that happens."

"You are quite perceptive, freaks," a voice said from behind all four of them and the Baudelaires froze in surprise, they had been so caught up in talking to one another they hadn't realized that the door behind them had opened and someone had walked into the dressing room.

Violet, Klaus, Sunny and Beatrice turned toward the door to see a tall lanky woman dressed in the gaudiest attire they'd ever seen before, particularly a long tube like skirt that had frills and what appeared to be bones sticking out from the bottom and then a rainbow colored blouse that seemed to glitter even in this dim light and if her appearance weren't enough to know who she was, the four children also recognized the woman's shrill voice.

It was Count Olaf's former wicked girlfriend, Esmé Squalor.

Of course this didn't mean that the female villain was no longer evil, but rather that she wasn't the girlfriend of the Baudelaire's old guardian because he was dead and will stay that way all the way throughout these unfortunate events. So as this equally wicked woman entered their room, the Baudelaires remained silent, unsure what she'd heard and even more unsure why she was there. As she stood there and looked at each of them, Klaus, Violet, Sunny and Beatrice took a step back and then finally Esmé growled, "Have all of you suddenly forgotten how to talk?" She glared down at the children and then added, "Are you listening to me, freaks? I'm not here for my health you know! Don't think so! I came here because…"

The female villain paused and then coughed softly and then muttered, "I hate to admit this, but I do believe I need your help." The Baudelaires looked at each other in surprise and then Violet asked, "What're you talking about?" "Are you illiterate as well, freaks?" Esmé asked with a sneer and then added, "Help means I need your assistance, I know what is going on here at this wretched theater and… furthermore, I know exactly who you are." The four orphans were too confused to object to the villain's statement as she circled them and added, "That's right my freaky orphans… your disguises couldn't fool me for a second. Did you think I forgot entirely about the time we spent together at the Caligari Carnival? I am Esmé Squalor and I never forget a face… Baudelaires!"

Klaus, Sunny, Beatrice and Violet all gasped in shock, for they realized now that without a doubt the jig was up and it might be curtains for them very soon. The eldest orphan however was considering Esmé's words to help them even as the female villain added, "That's right orphans, you think after a whole year I would forget all the trouble you caused for me?" "What is it you want from us?" Violet wondered. "You can't seriously be considering helping her!" Klaus declared. "She has caused us so much misery in the past," Sunny pointed out. "My dear freaks, I'm afraid you have no choice. You want to get out of this room don't you? And you don't want me to run off to C. Nimodi and tell him who you are… do you?" Esmé stated. The four children realized that their options were limited, and even though not even in their wildest dreams would they have thought to help this wicked individual they knew that a far worse fate might befall them if they didn't.

"Violet, Klaus, Sunny… and whatever this fourth one's name is," the female villain began to address them and Klaus spoke up saying, "Her name is Beatrice named after-" "Beatrice! I'll not hear that horrendous name again!" Esmé snarled, her eyes appeared to be lit with fire as she went toward the vanity and then pushed everything off onto the floor and declared, "Do you know this was supposed to be my room? Yet that idiot Rirger gave to _**her**_! _**Her**_ of all people! That little snake! That python! That viper!" The female villain continued rant and mumble as she trashed the room even more severely than it was already and Klaus, Violet, Beatrice and Sunny waited to see what their adversary would do next. Abruptly, as if she'd forgotten they were even there, Esmé turned to the four orphans and purred, "Tell you what my orphaned freaks, I will make you a deal and then you will assist me; otherwise I'll storm down to the auditorium and declare to everyone there you are the Baudelaires and you are responsible for the deaths of those poor troupe members."

"What kind of a bargain are we talking about?" Klaus asked. "You've always struck me as quite inquisitive… so much so that it proves absolutely nerve racking," the former girlfriend of Count Olaf declared and seemed to grow angry for a moment and then just as before settled down and explained, "I'm sure you're well aware that there are many secrets in this old theater, most of which I am aware of. Count Olaf's acting career, his connection to your mother. How it is that my Countie's parents died… and… who murdered them." Violet, Beatrice, Sunny and Klaus realized immediately what the female villain was offering, and they knew that the chance to learn such valuable information was indeed to great to pass up.

Not only that, but they remembered all of the trouble Esmé Squalor had caused them in the past, whether it had been pushing them down an ersatz elevator, or ordering them around while she sunbathed in ridiculous bathing suits; the female villain had always been a thorn in their side. So the threat that the former girlfriend of their dead adversary was making was not to be taken lightly, and the deal that Esmé was offering was also not to be accepted immediately, seeing as the villain had tricked them countless times in the past. So the Baudelaires weren't quite sure how to react to Esmé's offer for valuable information.

"Think about it, Baudelaires. I can tell you which of your meddlesome friends survived the fire of the Hotel Denouement… I can tell you what it is that theater critic, C. Nimodi is after and I can relate to you just what your parents wanted to keep you safe from," the female villain purred seductively in Violet's ear and then added, "I'm leaving the key here for you on the floor, and should you choose to assist me, I only ask this! That theater critic is plotting my downfall even as we speak; the grand reopening of this rundown theater is nothing but a sham in his eyes. Protect me my freaky orphans, and you may find I can be a valuable ally after all."

Without anything further to say, the poorly fashioned villain placed the key down onto the wooden floor and then trotted out of the dressing room and closed the door behind her. The Baudelaires sat there, still trying to understand just what to make of all this and realized that they were very much between a rock and a hard place.

This is not to say that Violet, Klaus, Sunny and Beatrice suddenly had found a large boulder and were now stuck between it in the wall, rather the phrase "between a rock and a hard place" means whenever you are in a dangerous situation and there seems to be no way out. For example, if you were to travel across the ocean on a cruise liner, or a steamboat across a lake; or perhaps even a dingy on a pond and then that boat sprang a leak whenever you were in the very middle of this body of water and you suddenly recalled that you had ate an hour before hand and so would attract the scent of bloodthirsty blind leeches and therefore couldn't swim to safety even if you could swim, then you would be between a rock and a hard place.

Being between a rock and a hard place however does not have to be as dire as the scenario I just related to you, nor does the end result need to be the same as that of my dear departed friend whenever the leeches did detect the scent of the banana peanut sandwich he'd ate only a half an hour earlier within the Curdled Cave. In fact there are usually ways to get unstuck even if they themselves can also prove uncomfortable. For example, had my associate decided to bring along diving equipment he had borrowed for the weekend from his good friend, the Captain of the _Queequeg_; then perhaps he might've survived the onslaught from the leeches and would still be happily married together rather than sadly dead.

For the Baudelaires, their situation wasn't quite as timely as the one I just mentioned but it was certainly a matter of life and death and the children realized that if they didn't make a decision something terrible might happen to Esmé. "We can't trust her to give us the information that we need," Klaus pointed out. "And even if she does tell us we don't know if it will be the truth," Sunny agreed. "But if we don't get out of this room, C. Nimodi will definitely murder someone else…" Violet stated.

"It would seem we are between a rock and a hard place," Sunny decided sadly as she cradled Beatrice, who had wisely chosen to take a nap. "If we agree to help Esmé and then stop C. Nimodi, Count Olaf's girlfriend might not live up to her end of the deal," Klaus stated. "But we disagree, and something happens; I will feel rather guilty," Violet admitted. "I agree with that, she may be a dangerous villain; but no one deserves to die," Sunny decided.

"Why would the wicked theater critic even want to dispose of Esmé? I thought they were on the same side?" Klaus wondered. "Maybe they are and this is a trap to get us disposed of," Violet said with a shudder. "Do you suppose Esmé knows what ERT stands for?" Sunny wondered. "Danwa," Beatrice said with a sigh as she was interrupted from her nap, which probably meant, "I thought we'd all agreed that we can't do anything from inside this room so either way; Esmé has provided us with a means of escape and I say we use it" or perhaps, "Stop arguing amongst yourselves, cause I definitely can't get any sleep. Let's just get out of here." Violet, Klaus and Sunny looked down at their slumbering adopted sister as she struggled to go back to sleep and then the eldest Baudelaire retrieved the key and opened the door to the hallway beyond.

"Maybe we can do both? Help Count Olaf's former girlfriend and stop C. Nimodi, without requiring Esmé to tell us what happened here at the Ned H. Rirger Theater," she suggested. Her siblings nodded, feeling enthused that they now had a chance to find out what was happening around them, and perhaps that they would no longer be between a rock and a hard place. If you also feel that this is the turning point for the Baudelaires in their unfortunate lives then let me reassure you that not only will Klaus, Violet, Beatrice and Sunny fail to stop the vile plans of their new adversary, but no secrets will be found either for at the end of this book, it will be curtains for anyone left inside the theater at all.


	10. Ten

**_Ten_**

The show must go on, a phrase commonly used in theater productions to explain the need for the story to progress despite impediments to the contrary; aptly fits the situation that the Baudelaire orphans currently found themselves in. Already two troupe members had died do to the wicked theater critic known as C. Nimodi, whom the orphans wished to expose; and their old enemy Esmé Squalor had arrived to cause further trouble among the group.

Not only that but several mysteries that needed answers plagued the thoughts of Klaus, Violet, Sunny and Beatrice as they cautiously explored the upper level of the Ned H. Rirger Theater, such as whether or not they could trust the female villain to assist them; what vile plan C. Nimodi was now hatching, how did the troupe members survive the fire at the Hotel Denouement, what the letters ERT stood for, and perhaps most importantly of all, whether or not their parents were good and noble volunteers or had they lapsed into wickedness sometime in the past as certain individuals claimed.

For the Baudelaires however, even though their life was not a theatrical production and certainly not as lively as one; they recognized that the show must go on, a phrase which here means, "Klaus, Sunny, Beatrice and Violet were going to do everything they could to stop their adversaries, find out more about their parents past and keep another location of V.F.D. from burning to the ground."

If I could tell the children how brave they were to accept this daunting challenge, which might I remind you they were in over their heads to start with; I would. But sadly, even though Violet and her younger siblings wished for the show to go on; it would not for very much longer. In fact not only would the Baudelaires fail in their attempts to stop another murder, particularly one involving the massive chandelier in the auditorium they were now exploring, but they would not find out one tantalizing secret in the very tantalizing theater they were spending time in.

Rather, Klaus and his sisters would fail miserably in all of their assignments and be forced to escape, just as they had done countless times before when pursued by Count Olaf and the only piece of information they will obtain will only lead to more questions for the orphans. So now that you know the show will not go on much longer for the Baudelaire orphans I encourage and implore you to stop reading now and to go back to your regular line of work which is probably much more fascinating, whether it be working on traffic lights or counting periods in a particularly wicked newspaper article in hopes of finding a secret code, even if there was not one to be found.

Yet if you do continue to read further in the dismal lives of Violet, Klaus, Sunny and Beatrice, I'm sure you will find yourself further depressed, crying your eyes out in the realization that I was right and you were wrong, which nowadays seems to happen more often than not even though I wish this weren't so, my darling Beatrice. So, as the Baudelaire orphans returned cautiously to the auditorium below, they also realized that if they were going to succeed in their efforts for the show to go on they had to disguise themselves differently in order to fool both Falo and the troupe members that were working diligently to prepare for the grand reopening of the Ned H. Rirger Theater. Soon Violet and her siblings discovered the costumes they'd been wearing earlier, as connoisseurs for the evil twin of Count Olaf; and put them back on.

"I hope this works," Klaus said with a sigh, knowing that since all of their previous attempts to hide their identities had failed; this one probably would as well. "Its the only thing I can think of to make certain no one recognizes us as the Baudelaires," Violet explained. "But Esmé already knew that we weren't Hope the Lion Tamer, Chabo the wolf-baby and Beverly and Elliot the two-headed freak!" Sunny pointed out as she carried the still sleeping infant.

"But how else will we uncover what C. Nimodi is trying to accomplish? We haven't much time before the grand reopening!" Violet asked in frustration. Once all four of them had finished swapping disguises and looked once again like theater attendants, Klaus and his sisters walked down the stairs toward the lobby, where they heard quite a loud commotion going on. "Do you suppose C. Nimodi has already murdered another troupe member?" Sunny asked.

"Or maybe Esmé was right and she is in trouble," Violet realized. "Let's go find out," Klaus decided as he led the way down toward the noise. As they approached the lobby, the children immediately realized that they were once again short on time because the grand reopening was not a day away, rather Falo was standing down at the ticket booth where a long line of possibly noble or wicked individuals waited to enter the Ned H. Rirger Theater. "I don't understand, I thought the grand reopening wasn't supposed to begin until tomorrow morning! The theater isn't ready for all of these guests!" Klaus proclaimed.

"Let's go talk to Falo and find out," his older sister decided and led the way across the still sticky carpet to where the evil twin of Count Olaf was trying in vain to keep the crowd calm. "I have a ticket right here to see "_One Last Warning To Those Who Stand In My Way_" and I am here to watch this spectacular play by Al Funcoot," one man was saying as they approached their current guardian. "I've also come here to hear the voice of the famous actress Esmé Squalor in this world famous play!" a woman proclaimed. "I'm sure this is quite true, but I'm afraid right now the theater isn't prepared for the grand reopening!" Falo insisted to which a man said, "My invitation told me to come today!"

"I'm not going back home," another stated.

"This theater has been closed for years and now you're insisting you need one more day? This is preposterous," yet another patron complained.

What was perhaps most preposterous was that all of these guests expected an immediate response from Falo and if he didn't give them what they wanted, I'm quite sure these friendly people would've become a mob. "What's going on?" Violet wondered as she approached the current impresario of the Ned H. Rirger Theater. "Ah! There you are!" the evil twin of Count proclaimed turning to the children and exclaiming, "I've been wondering when you'd get around to helping me out!" Falo pointed toward the long line of patrons and explained, "All of these people, whether noble or wicked; seem to think that the grand reopening of this theater is tonight and not tomorrow. I don't understand this! I specifically told C. Nimodi to send out the invitations for tomorrow."

Violet, Klaus and Sunny exchanged knowing glances, realizing that the wicked theater critic had no doubt tricked their guardian in order to make Falo look like a fool. "What is it you need us to do?" Violet wondered. "You, the shortest hold that infant," Falo said, choosing not to reveal Sunny's identity and then pushing her into the ticket booth and proclaiming, "Only let wicked people into the auditorium, not noble ones. Use the codes you have been taught."

And before she could object, Falo shut the door and turned to the remaining Baudelaires and stated, "Once a guest has entered the lobby, one of you should guide them to their seat and the other should stand here offering refreshments." "But-" Klaus began, trying to object to the fact that Esmé Squalor still needed their help. "I can't hear any objections right now, our schedule has been severely cut short and we'll have to make certain the show goes on no matter what!" Falo explained.

"But-" Violet began, trying to tell their current guardian about C. Nimodi's wicked plot to murder the troupe members of his good twin Count Olaf. "And make sure that nothing goes wrong during the performance of "_One Last Warning To Those Who Stand In My Way_". It's a very difficult play to perform and our star actress is nervous," Falo proclaimed and then added, "If you need me, you can find me up in the balcony seat along with our theater critic, I need to discuss with him the confusion about the invitations."

In a flash, Falo rushed up the stairs to the second floor of the Ned H. Rirger Theater, leaving Violet and Klaus alone in the lobby, befuddled and perplexed, words which here mean "the elder Baudelaire siblings weren't sure how they would save Esmé and stop C. Nimodi at the same time." Meanwhile, Sunny was desperately trying to understand the clamor of voices as the line of noble volunteers and wicked villains grew more agitated until at last she whistled loudly, silencing the group for a brief moment; enough for her to say, "If you'll all form an orderly line in front of the booth I can attend to each of you properly."

The former toddler only hoped that her efforts to calm the group and get them inside the rundown theater would also give her older siblings the chance to do more than she could, and make certain that the show must go on. Meanwhile, Klaus and Violet frantically prepared for the many guests they would soon be dealing with and also tried to think of some way to not be in over their heads even more. "Let's keep our eyes peeled for C. Nimodi, he's the one that is the most dangerous and up to no good," the eldest orphan suggested.

"All right, whenever you go take people to their seats, try to be as close to Esmé as possible to make certain nothing happens to her," Klaus suggested. "And whenever you give people their refreshments, see to it that no one goes upstairs to the second floor of the theater," Violet told her brother and then stood by the entrance in the large auditorium.

Sunny had no idea though how she would make certain that the show went on, especially since Falo had failed to tell her how to discern if a person was noble or wicked so as the first guest stood in front of her and passed her an invitation she wasn't sure what to say, or what code to speak. "Are you going to let me go thru or not?" the man asked in irritation and Sunny sighed in relief, figuring that this must be a wicked villain because of his rude attitude and let him inside.

As the long line grew smaller, Sunny would turn away anyone who was too pleasant, and those who acted too nice to her or offered their spots in the line to others. Whereas any patron who was rude, crude or annoyed at the long line itself, she made certain they got inside without question. Sunny only hoped that she was doing the right thing by letting these villains inside the Ned H. Rirger Theater.

But she also figured that if she was only letting wicked people inside then that meant that no noble volunteers would be hurt if something did happen. It was a small comfort, but it was enough for the former toddler to continue to do her assignment.

Klaus asked each and every villain that entered the theater whether they wanted a refreshment or popcorn, and not a one accepted his offer. He was rather thankful for this particularly because he had no drinks or food ready for them and wondered distantly whether Falo had realized that whenever he'd given the middle Baudelaire this assignment.

He also kept his eyes open for any signs of C. Nimodi or any of the other troupe members who were still living, such as the one who was neither a man nor a woman whom Beatrice had told them was working with the theater critic. Yet he saw neither him or her nor anyone trying to get upstairs.

Instead every wicked individual walked straight to the auditorium where Violet tried as fast as she could to take each one to their seats. Much to all of the Baudelaires' surprise, none of these people were any that they recognized and Violet, Klaus and Sunny were beginning to wonder if all of these villains were working alongside C. Nimodi, or were some of them only pretending to be wicked so they could get inside?

While Violet attended to her duties, she watched the stage where Esmé Squalor and some of the troupe members, particularly the mute, the tall man who was actually quite short and the short woman who was actually quite tall performed the play that Falo had worked diligently to prepare.

The female villain's acting ability in one word was atrocious, and her fellow troupe members were faring no better. Now, if you were there among the audience watching this terrible rendition of an equally horrible play I'm quite sure you would've done the proper thing and tried to leave the theater right then, especially whenever Esmé tried to sing like a canary and ended up sounding like a crow.

In short, the entire theatrical production was a mess and Violet knew there was no way if this had been merely an attempt to reopen the Ned H. Rirger Theater that Esmé or the former troupe members of Count Olaf would've been able to save the theater, were such a thing possible. Violet also wished that she didn't have to be there in the auditorium and listen to the screeches that Esmé claimed was her voice and I'm sure the eldest Baudelaire would've preferred to be in another place entirely, perhaps a better furnished theater where a better play was going on that involved a braeman and a baticeer.

As the auditorium slowly became full, Violet wondered when C. Nimodi might act in his efforts to cause more discord among the group and wondered if Esmé had been telling the truth and Klaus wondered if there was a chance that anyone might go upstairs and find some secret that they had not and Sunny wondered perhaps most importantly of all, what Mr. Poe was doing here at the Ned H. Rirger Theater.

If you've read any of the previous installments of the Baudelaire's miserable lives then I'm sure you know precisely who Mr. Poe is and why Sunny was surprised to see him there. And as the banker approached the ticket booth and passed Sunny the invitation he'd received, the former toddler realized this might be her chance to do something.

"Mister Poe!" she proclaimed as she stared up at the banker. The man coughed into his handkerchief and looked down at her before asking, "I say, how is that you know my name?" "Mister Poe, its me! Sunny Baudelaire!" she explained. "I say, you know the Baudelaires? What a small world it is! I am their banker you know," the banker explained.

"No I am one of the Baudelaires!" Sunny exclaimed. "I haven't seen them since they went off with that brother of Count Olaf quite some time ago, I do hope they are all right," he stated and then before she got a chance to say another word, he entered the theater, where Klaus offered him a drink and then realized who he was. "Mr. Poe! Its me! Klaus!" he exclaimed to the banker. The man coughed again and muttered, "Why I have a client with that exact name!"

Before Klaus could say another word to explain himself the banker walked into the auditorium as you might've guessed by now, you know precisely what is that happened whenever Violet tried to tell the man who she was and why they were there. Not only that, but once the banker had come and sat down, Violet realized that the theater itself was now full and told Klaus to tell Sunny to tell the patrons that no one else could enter.

As Sunny turned to the last guest, who had arrived terribly late; getting stuck in traffic and sopping wet from the rainstorm he'd driven thru; the former toddler told him, "I'm sorry, but the theater is now full and we can't let anyone else in." The man sighed and said, "It figures I would arrive too late."

He adjusted his hat and walked back to the taxi he'd driven in to get there, glancing back at Sunny only briefly and perhaps; shedding a tear for some faint memory in the distant past.

Once Sunny was sure that they were all gone, and Violet made certain everyone was seated and Klaus made sure that no one was hiding in the lobby, the three of them; along with Beatrice who was still asleep; gathered in the lobby. "We did it," Violet proclaimed with a smile. "Yes, but now how do we find out what C. Nimodi is planning?" Sunny wondered. "I wish I knew, the theater critic told us to search for clues everywhere; but we've not found the answers we're searching for yet!" Klaus realized.

"Baudelaires!" a voice whispered and the three of them looked around the lobby, trying to find the source of the voice and then saw a figure standing behind the stairs, where the secret passageway came out. Violet, Klaus and Sunny cautiously approached the shadow and then watched as the other powder-faced woman appeared and smiled at them, "Thank goodness! I was beginning to wonder if I could find you before it is too late!"

"You know what the wicked theater critic is planning?" Violet guessed. "That doesn't matter!" the troupe member explained and then pointed up the stairs and said, "I know where you can find the information you're looking for! But we have to hurry or we'll lose everything!" Klaus and his sisters looked at each other, and wanted to trust the troupe member but weren't sure if that was the wisest thing to do. "Baudelaires please! The show must go on! I don't want anyone to murder me like they did my poor partner," the powder-faced woman proclaimed.

"What are we looking for?" Klaus asked in confusion. "We've searched every nook and cranny up there," Sunny pointed out. "You weren't here whenever this theater was built… so you wouldn't know, but we're looking for the dressing room of a famous actor who once worked here," the powder-faced woman explained as she walked up the steps and then added, "His name was Lemony."

_**The Baudelaires are running out of time and the truth looms closer! Read, review and share please! :]**_


	11. Eleven

**_Eleven_**

In a theatrical production whenever the story takes a sudden turn or something occurs that you didn't think would happen, it is often referred to as a plot twist.

For example if you were to read a story in which a man crash lands on a world that is foreign to him and ruled by simians and then later this man discovered it was in fact his world in some unknown future, you could refer to this as a plot twist. Or if you were read about the murder of an infamous writer and then in that very same story discover that he was not in fact dead, but merely writing down the history of a particular group of orphans in an effort to alert the public to these unfortunate events, you could assuredly refer to this as a plot twist.

The Baudelaires however were not in some work of fiction, such as the first instance I described and they had yet to be aware of anyone chronicling their miserable lives; so whenever the other powder-faced woman who was still alive told them that she knew what they were searching for and where to find it, you could definitely say this was a plot twist. But more importantly the former member of Count Olaf's acting troupe had told them the answers they were looking for was in a dressing room for an actor named Lemony, the very same name that had been on the program Violet had found and the very same terrible name that her mother would've named her had she been a boy.

So the Baudelaires followed her down the hallway without any objection eager to find any secrets they could within the walls of the Ned H. Rirger Theater. But as you may have ascertained, with only a few chapters left in this particularly dismal portion of the Baudelaire's lives, they will find nothing substantial to help them in their search for answers. As they arrived at the end of the corridor, Klaus sighed and said, "See? We've searched down this hallway and haven't found a dressing room for anyone named Lemony." The powder-faced woman ignored the middle Baudelaire's complaint and began knocking softly on the western wall. Violet, Klaus and Sunny watched as she continued to do this unsure why she was or what she hoped to accomplish. Finally the troupe member paused at particular portion of the wall and stated, "I think it's right here." "What's right there?" Violet wondered.

"There's just a wall there," Klaus pointed out. "And there is certainly not a dressing room there," Sunny added. "That's where you're wrong, Baudelaires. After Mister Rirger shut this theater down ages ago, Olaf returned and trashed the place as best as he could and also sealed up this dressing room right here; I'm sure of it," the powder-faced woman explained. "If that's the case, then how can we get inside?" Klaus wondered. "You didn't bring any tools with you?" the former actor asked in surprise.

"You didn't tell us what we would be doing," Violet pointed out. "I'm sorry, you're right of course; I had no reason to be upset," the woman said and then added with a sigh, "I just can't believe what happened to my poor acting partner. We've been together forever. Why we met in this very theater!" "I'm sorry about what happened to her," Sunny said placing her hand on the shoulder of the troupe member. "It's too late for apologies now," the powder-faced woman declared bitterly as she shed a single tear for her departed partner and then added, "Besides this is exactly what he said would happen… I guess we should've listened."

Klaus glanced at his sisters and then asked, "C. Nimodi threatened you didn't he?" The former member of Count Olaf's acting troupe nodded and replied, "Well yes… but that's not what I was referencing…" Before they got a chance to ask her any more questions, the powder-faced woman moved toward another dressing room and declared, "But right now we haven't the time to discuss the present. C. Nimodi is planning to burn this theater to the ground once he gets what he wants."

"What is the wicked theater critic after?" Violet wondered in confusion. "I thought you orphans had figured it out by now," the troupe member muttered as she found a prop hammer that was probably used in some widely popular play in the past and then returned to the wall and added, "But that doesn't matter, I won't let that critic have his way. I'll help you out Baudelaires…maybe then I can atone for all of the wicked deeds I've done during my life. And my partner won't be forgotten."

The orphans remained silent as the troupe member used the hammer to smash the wall and watched in fascination as portions of it fell away and behind the wood they could make out a door that looked rather old, with the initials L.S. on a large golden star in the center of the door. As the troupe member continued to push the wood away, she said, "See there? I was right! It's right where I remember it being."

Once the powder-faced woman had finished clearing a way for them to get in, she gestured for Violet to open the door to all of the tantalizing secrets within.

The word, tantalizing; if you didn't know already means something that is just within your reach and then slips thru your fingers. It could refer to for example if you were to go hunting for something out in the woods and you got some bait, the bait would lure your prey there and tantalize it with the prospect of getting a good meal, whereas instead in reality trap the creature you were seeking to trap. For the Baudelaires however, the word tantalizing refers to all of the secrets that were in their grasp within the Ned H. Rirger Theater but would sadly elude them still due to the fact that a dastardly villain would very shortly burn the establishment to the ground once he is finally revealed.

So as Violet, Klaus, Sunny and Beatrice stepped thru the door with the initials L.S. on the door, let me assure you that although some of the answers they seek may be within it; most of them will never be known to the children for quite some time to come. So all of the tantalizing things within the theater would only serve as a bitter disappointment for the children in their attempts to uncover secrets about their parents past.

For as Klaus and his sisters opened the unstable door, a word which here means rickety; they looked within the dark and bleak dressing room which was covered with cobwebs and wondered what might lie within the darkness. The troupe member took out a match from her pocket and ignited it, and then mumbled, "I just know there is a candle around here somewhere."

Violet and her younger siblings searched thru the dusty room, which appeared to have only two items within it; a writing desk and a small type writer which lay on its side on the floor as if someone had chosen to flee from the room in haste for some undisclosed reason and Sunny remarked, "Do you suppose this is the same Lemony who was our mother's co-star?" "Oh there is no doubt of that," the powder-faced woman declared as she found the candle and proceeded to place the match on it, which caused the room to look slightly more illuminated. "Did you know our mother?" Klaus asked in surprise turning to the former member of Count Olaf's troupe.

"I was here whenever the incident occurred, when Olaf's parents were brutally murdered…" she said with a nod and then explained, "I think it truly changed his outlook on life." "So you said there was something in here that we needed to see, isn't that right?" Violet asked as she went to the writing desk and pulled out the drawers, only to find that they had all been cleared; as if the person who previously occupied the room had grabbed everything within before knocking over the typewriter and fleeing from the room.

"If I'm correct, it should be on that there," the powder-faced woman declared, pointing toward the device on the floor and adding, "I know it was the one thing that Olaf made sure wasn't disposed of… so that it would implicate those who murdered his parents." The eldest Baudelaire knelt down and turned the typewriter over and noted there was one piece of paper still within and asked, "Is this what you wanted us to look at?"

"It is," she said with a nod as the oldest orphan stood and took the candle from the troupe member before reading it aloud to her siblings, " 'It is my solemn duty to report that I have successfully given the poison darts to Beatrice for the sole purpose of using them on the two adversaries who have been troublesome to our organization and could in fact cause what we fear. I can only hope she is successful in her attempts to use them and dispose of these villains once and for all. As for their son, my old friend Olaf; I hope you can understand the reason behind this, Lemony.'"

The entire group grew silent as she finished reading it and turned to the troupe member and asked, "Why did you show us this?" "You had a right to know," the powder-faced woman declared as she led them back out to the hallway beyond. "There is nothing else here in this dressing room we need to search for?" Klaus asked, unsure he wanted to accept what little information they had obtained. "I'm sorry, but that is all I know of," the former member of Falo's twin declared truthfully, and unfortunately; Sunny and her older siblings eagerly accepted this as fact.

If only they had chosen to look further inside the room with the initials L.S. on the door, they might've gone to the closet that was on the right side of the room and might've looked within to find an old diary that would've provided them with countless information regarding their mother, their father; and a dismal author. But sadly, the Baudelaire orphans would not get the chance to peruse any further in this room and would lose this valuable information entirely

. For as they stood there in the hallway to contemplate what the powder-faced woman had just revealed to them, Violet, Klaus, Sunny and Beatrice felt too stunned to say thank you or to say much of anything to their guide. "I'm sorry I wish I could stay and talk with you more, but the show must go on. Baudelaires, you have to stop C. Nimodi now, before things get out of hand and more people become wicked like Olaf did," the troupe member explained and then rushed down to the auditorium where the show was still going on. "Do you suppose this is true? Our parents were connected to the death of Olaf's parents?" Klaus asked in surprise.

"Apparently Olaf saw to it this evidence remained so that someone would one day discover that was the case," Violet said. "What do we do now?" Sunny wondered, as she recalled that the wicked theater critic had told them the answers they were searching for might not turn out to be the ones they expected. And that is sadly often the case whenever you search for clues, and then find tantalizing answers the taste often turns out to be quite bitter and you regret ever searching in the first place and are not prepared for the plot twist you discover.

For example, Klaus, Violet, Sunny and Beatrice had long believed that their parents were good and noble people, but now they were discovering that perhaps this wasn't the case. And they had also felt for quite a while that people like Olaf and Mister Dominic or whatever name these villains were hiding under were always wicked from the very beginning. But as you may have guessed, one story's beginning is often another story's ending even when that previous story's ending was also another story's beginning; and that is exactly the case with the Baudelaires.

For even though you have passed thru at least thirteen volumes of unfortunate events relating to these orphans wretched lives I'm sorry to tell you that the end of those events was just the beginning of another, and I'm sure you realize that well before the Baudelaires ever stepped foot on Briny Beach and heard the news of their parents unfortunate demise; many other tragedies had occurred and other people had lost loved ones in similar fires and so an endless cycle of stories ending and beginning will continue on until it is curtains for us all.

The orphans however, only cared about their own story, and whether or not the information the powder-faced woman had just supplied them with meant that at least one of their parents had assisted in murdering Olaf's parents. And despite the fact that the person who had typed the letter out to Beatrice had insisted that these two people were rather wicked, which might I add they indeed were more so than any other I have ever happened upon; I can tell you exactly what Violet, Klaus, Beatrice and Sunny were thinking. Even a wicked person, or in this case two parents; did not deserve to die.

And I admit that this crime plagues me and at times keeps me up at night wondering what we could've done differently and perhaps had we not listened maybe things would now have turned out differently. "I've had enough of these secrets," Violet declared as she crumpled up the piece of paper and added, "I'm going to go find Falo and C. Nimodi and reveal to our current guardian what this villain is up to." Klaus and the other orphans followed her down the corridor toward the highest level of the theater, where the balcony seats were located; along with the entrance to the rafters and as they searched each one; Violet was beginning to wonder if perhaps the wicked theater critic had chosen to now dispose of the evil twin of Count Olaf and so was therefore relieved whenever she came upon them.

Falo and the critic were sitting opposite of one another, gazing down at the large audience that had gathered for the play and Falo muttered, "It would seem quite a few volunteers and villains arrived for the show." "Yes but I can tell that Esmé is rather nervous, her performance is lacking. It has been too long since our star actress has been on the stage," C. Nimodi remarked and then turned to see the orphans standing there listening to them.

"Concierges! Delightful job on getting everyone inside the auditorium. I trust it wasn't a difficult assignment?" Falo asked. Violet and her younger siblings stood there for a moment unsure what to say and finally Klaus said, "Actually sir, we were wondering if we could sit up here with you?" "I'm afraid I'll be leaving shortly, to speak with some of those who attended. I'm sure they are eager to learn that we have the Baudelaires in custody," the evil twin of Count Olaf replied with a conspiratorial wink.

"Now that all of these wicked individuals have gathered in one place, it is time for the final curtain call; so to speak," the theater critic agreed and then smiled deviously at the Baudelaires and explained, "You don't realize what it is we have planned, do you?" Klaus shrugged and replied, "I know what our impresario has told us… that we have gathered the wicked people here to set a trap for them, so that our illustrious organization can finally prevail."

"That is partially true, V.F.D. will always remember this day as a day of success, but it would seem there is still one detail that my good friend, Olaf; has failed to tell you," the critic C. Nimodi explained as his smile grew wider and the orphans realized he had a glimmer in his eye, the very same one that readily recognized meant that the villain had some sinister scheme in mind and was now eager to reveal it to the orphans. "And what might that be?" Klaus asked, trying to pretend he was eager to hear of this plot twist, although once he did he wished he hadn't.

C. Nimodi smiled as broadly as he could, then answered, "Now that we have gathered all of these wicked villains here, we are going to burn the Ned H. Rirger Theater to the ground." And if this plot twist wasn't enough, their current guardian nodded in agreement and stated, "And you concierges, are going to help us."

_**Will Falo continue to play the role of the evil twin? Will C. Nimodi be revealed? Will anyone survive the fire that they have planned? Is it curtains for both villains and volunteers? Read, review, share! **_**I appreciate it! **

***additional note, some events are what I would like to describe as "foreboding" they may not pertain to this story, but to a future idea I have in mind for another book. For example, in this book, I referenced a masquerade ball that the Baudelaires have been invited to. This idea, along with others is part of the bigger picture. ^_^ **


	12. Twelve

**_Twelve_**

"Break a leg" is yet another commonly used phrase in show business and although as dangerous as it sounds, it is actually meant to give the actor inspiration to do their very best in their performance. For example, if you were to inform your co-star that you were nervous about your upcoming performance as braeman in a very popular play that you had personally written and then they told you to break a leg, then you could smile and be assured that your fellow star, and secret love interest was more than happy to see that you would do your best in your role; even if you personally felt that you would not.

But for the Baudelaires however, it is doubtful this is what C. Nimodi meant whenever he stated, "Break a leg, concierges; you've got a lot of work to do and little time to do it in." It is more likely that the wicked theater critic meant this phrase literally and if that was not disconcerting enough, the man had just told them that he and their current guardian; the evil twin of Count Olaf, intended to burn down the Ned H. Rirger Theater despite all of the improvements they'd spent the last several days making to the rundown establishment.

The Baudelaires were once again tasked with yet another plot twist, and were once again in over their heads; especially since they had promised Esmé Squalor they would make absolutely sure that their adversary didn't plot her downfall but now their very guardian was requesting they do this. "I'm not sure I understand, Falo," Violet declared, deciding that the time for secrets was over and then took off her hat and declared, "I won't allow you to hurt any innocent volunteers." "Violet Baudelaire!" C. Nimodi declared with a smile and then added, "So you're choosing the noble path? How very brave of you."

"I'm not going to go along with this either," Klaus said as he revealed himself and added, "Even wicked individuals deserve a chance!" Sunny joined her siblings in their decision to take off their disguises and said, "What is more, we're going to stop you from hurting anyone." Falo looked at all of them and smiled before remarking, "I'm so glad you said that, children. I would've been quite disturbed had you chosen to agree to his plan." C. Nimodi however was not smiling, he was laughing and remarking, "I'm afraid all of you are going to fail anyway. While you ran thru this theater and tried to search for answers, my associates and I have been working hard to prepare for the grand finale of this theater."

"We'll stop you," Sunny declared. "Unfortunately for you there are quite a number of matches below the stage of this theater, and once they have been ignited it will be mere minutes before this entire establishment is burned to the ground by the ensuing flames and there is nothing that any of you fools can do about it," the wicked theater critic replied and then added, "And since you three seem to have decided that your game is over, I suppose it is curtains for this disguise of mine as well."

The villain leaned against his cane with one hand reached up and took off his wig, then rubbed off the make-up he had been wearing and I am thankful to say that I will no longer be referring to the devious theater critic C. Nimodi but rather the true enemy of the Baudelaires; Mister Dominic who now stood before them as he readjusted his hair and took off the rest of his disguise before turning to Falo, who had apparently not discerned this at all. "Dominic!" he declared and then muttered, "But I'm not sure I understand! Rirger said a theater critic would be arriving to view our work here!"

"Both the critic and that fool Rirger are long gone, you idiot! Don't you read _The Daily Punctilio_? They died in a terrible train accident a few months back! And now I have arranged for this entire charade so that it may be curtains for all those who stand in my way!" Mister Dominic replied with a sneer and then turned to the orphans, "I think I will start with these brats!" Raising his chair up, Falo smashed it across the back of the villain and Falo declared, "Baudelaires! Run!"

The orphans didn't need any encouragement in that regard as their adversary rushed toward them and Violet, Klaus, Beatrice and Sunny moved toward the highest point in the Ned H. Rirger Theater, the rafters that hung precariously above the auditorium and the stage below. "We've nowhere up here to run to!" Sunny realized. "Quick, let's find another exit!" Klaus decided and then turned to depart, only to find Mister Dominic standing there in their way.

"Going somewhere, orphans? I think all of you have had too much fun as stars and you know what happens at the end of every star's career, they have a terrible crash and fall from their lofty position," Mister Dominic declared and then lifted his cane up and flipped the handle sideways to reveal that the supposed walking instrument was in fact a disguise as well and the villain pulled out a long rapier and pointed it toward the youngest member of the Baudelaires and stated, "I must admit I was surprised to find that you had survived that fire back at the Very Fine Dwelling, but I'm afraid now it is curtains for you and everyone else here in this rundown place."

"Why are you doing this?" Klaus asked in surprise as he and his sisters slowly walked across the first rafter, each making sure that they didn't look down.

If you've ever been anywhere that is very high up, such as the top of your pantry or a skyscraper, then you know the last thing you want to do is look down below for if you were to do this; you would find that you could easily fall from the height you were at to the ground below and this would certainly not be enjoyable.

More than that it would prove deadly, depending on the height you were at; and for the Baudelaires I can assure you that one false step would've ended their story right here and now. I can assure you however that Violet, Klaus, Sunny and Beatrice will survive this unfortunate event in order to endure equally difficult trials later.

Mister Dominic swung his weapon toward them and laughed before stating, "If you had taken the time to read the article I published years ago in _The Daily Punctilio_ you would understand exactly why I am choosing to start fires rather than stop them… and why it is advantageous for us to do so." "It doesn't have to be like this, why are you so bent on hurting us and everyone else down there in the auditorium?" Sunny asked. "You've still failed to see the point, haven't you? Everyone down there that is not on my side is my enemy. And in this game, there can be only room for one side. The stakes are too high and I can't afford to lose," Mister Dominic explained as he began crossing the dangerous rafter toward them.

"So you did harm those troupe members?" Sunny realized. "They were examples of what would happen if anyone got in my way, and once this theater goes up in flames, the final act will begin in this game that started here ages ago. In fact, it was right over there where your mother shot the poison darts that killed Olaf's parents," Dominic said with a smirk, to which the oldest orphan replied, "We read about that, and we don't understand why our parents would perform such a vile deed. Please, I know you were once a noble individual, maybe you can help us?"

Klaus and her younger siblings looked at her in surprise and wondered what Violet was saying, but apparently Mister Dominic understood all too well and replied, as if talking to himself, "I think the time has come for us to end this portion of the play, my dear Lemony. It has been rather fun, but I'm afraid in the end you were wrong and I was right."

Leaping toward them, the villain caught the four orphans off balance and Violet tripped and began to fall. "Violet!" Sunny yelled out as she leaned over and grabbed her sister's hand. "Hold on!" Klaus yelled out even as Dominic sliced the cord of the rafter and it began to slide toward the majestic chandelier in the center of the theater.

Down below, the patrons were too wrapped up in the world premiere of "_One Last Warning To Those Who Try To Stand In My Way_" that they paid no attention to more dire drama that was playing out high above them. The Baudelaires all screamed in surprise as Beatrice fell toward the chandelier and then watched as the infant clung to it. "I think it is time for all of you to break a leg, Baudelaires. This is going to be your finest act yet… and also your final one," Mister Dominic remarked with a chuckle as he began to cut the cord of the chandelier.

"Quickly! Climb up!" Sunny urged her siblings as they all clung to various portions of the massive chandelier and then Violet reached up and grabbed the back portion of their adversaries cape, which had been a part of his costume as a theater critic, causing Mister Dominic to trip and fall toward the chandelier as well and his weapon fell down to the audience below.

All of those on the now swinging decoration looked down below to see where the weapon fell and were thankful to see it hit the front of the stage, which caused those in the audience to look up and gasp in alarm at the sight they were now beholding. Klaus, Violet, Beatrice and Sunny all held on for dear life as did Mister Dominic who looked up and realized that the cord holding the chandelier would not hold for much longer. Meanwhile, Esmé had presumed that the audience was booing her performance whenever they had in fact been gasping at the accident waiting to happen above and as people rose and began to leave the theater she yelled out, "You fools! You idiots! You don't know talent when you see it!"

The other remaining members of Count Olaf's troupe, the tall man who was actually quite short, the short woman who was actually quite tall and the mute began to move toward the back of the stage as the chandelier continued to swing high above them and the ceiling of the Ned H. Rirger Theater began to crumble due to the newly added wait of the five individuals on the decoration. "Do you honestly believe that _**she **_is better than me? You don't know what _**she**_ has taken from me! Everything! That's what! It's all _**her**_ fault! I am a star! I am famous! I am-"

Esmé began to rant, and I both happy and sad to report that this is the next to the last thing that the former girlfriend of the wicked Count Olaf will say, because at that very moment, the weight of the chandelier gave way and the four Baudelaires and Mister Dominic clung to it as it fell to the auditorium below, where everyone that was still there rushed for cover; whereas Esmé herself was smashed flat, thus leading to a most unfortunate accident one that I warned you about several times.

Esmé let out one cry of pain as the massive chandelier crushed her and Violet looked down to the now horribly wounded female villain, realizing that they had indeed failed in their promise to keep her safe and Esmé Squalor uttered the last thing she would ever say, and also pointed a finger at the oldest orphan as she said it. "Baudelaires…why?"

She gasped one final breath and then died, and for a moment, no one in the Ned H. Rirger Theater spoke. It is often considering fitting whenever an important person in a play dies to call for an intermission, giving the audience a chance to regroup and to talk about the things they have just seen.

For the Baudelaires however, they realized there would be no intermission for them or for their allies or enemies in the audience and they would never get a chance to obtain the information that Esmé had and the four children realized that every secret they had wanted uncovered had also died along with the wicked ex-girlfriend of Count Olaf. Mister Dominic was the first to get off of the massive chandelier and brush himself off even as the patrons surrounded it, and Mister Poe was the first to look up and spot Klaus, Violet and Sunny and declared, "Baudelaires? Is that you? How can this be?"

Falo rushed into the auditorium along with the powder-faced woman and two police officers and the formerly disguised impresario of the Ned H. Rirger Theater gasped in shock at the scene in front of him. "Baudelaires! What happened here?" he asked in surprise.

"I can tell you precisely what took place," Mister Dominic offered with a smile as he pointed toward the children and proclaimed, "These children were a part of a theatrical production here and killed two troupe members along with the star of our play, Esmé Squalor!"

There were murmurs of agreement from the crowd at this statement, and Violet clutched the infant with both hands before stating, "No! He's lying! He is the one responsible for their murders, not us!" "On the contrary, the evidence speaks for itself! You orphans were there whenever the man with the long nose was murdered in his dressing room and you were there whenever the powder-faced woman fell to her death and you clearly arranged for this chandelier to fall now and make it look like a horrible accident when in fact it was murder," their adversary countered.

The Baudelaire orphans turned to Falo who was still unsure what to say or do, especially since now the crowd had apparently sided with their enemy. "That's right! I've heard reports of them in the past! They've been on the run for well over a year!" one patron commented. "I knew better than to trust the eulogy I read detailing their untimely death in the newspaper," another commented. "They should be taken to jail immediately," yet another decided. "Now see here!" Mister Poe cried out as he coughed into his handkerchief again and then muttered toward the police officers and declared, "I believe I have known the children longer than anyone here and I can say without a shadow of a doubt that they are good upstanding citizens in the community."

"Is that the truth Mister Poe?" Mister Dominic countered and then added, "Or are these orphans members of a secret society, trying this very night to lure innocent people such as yourselves here in order to spring a trap on them."

It is at this point in the story, I'm sad to say that the curtain must fall. And Klaus, Violet, Beatrice and Sunny at last understood the reason that Mister Dominic had come to the Ned H. Rirger Theater in the first place. Not only that, but the children were dismayed to understand that they had helped him in his dastardly plan.

"You see my dear friends, there is an organization that hides things from us every single day and they have recruited the Baudelaires," the former actor was explaining and then pointed toward Falo and stated, "He is their leader! And there are others here who are connected to this group… it is known… as V.F.D."

There were cries of astonishment from the bewildered crowd and the two police officers who'd accompanied the Baudelaires current guardian were now turning to him for answers, whereas Mister Dominic was slowly moving toward the back of the stage. "Oh no, Mister Dominic will get away!" Klaus realized and then declared, "One of his associates has probably already started the fire!" The wicked instructor from the Very Fine Dwelling kicked open one of the trap doors and jumped down to the cellar below and without thinking twice, the four orphans rushed after him. As they jumped down below, they were quite surprised to see that others were there waiting for them, particularly the tall man who was actually quite short, the short woman who was actually quite tall and the mute along with the troupe member who was neither a man nor a woman and Mister Dominic himself.

"What are you doing here?" Klaus asked, and to answer his question their adversary declared, "Tie these brats up! We haven't a moment to lose to get to the mark." "Aye sir," the short woman who was actually tall said with a nod and then she and her partner, the mute; wrapped the Baudelaires in rope. "So trying to kill us once wasn't enough?" Violet asked.

"I had every intention of ending this above, but sadly you managed to survive the fall. However in retrospect, you did me a great service by disposing of Esmé and also arranging for Falo and V.F.D. to look like criminals. I must say Baudelaires, you are turning out to be welcome recruits after all," Mister Dominic remarked with a chuckle. "We're not on the same side," Klaus growled. "Aren't we?" their adversary replied as he heard the clamor above and stated, "I'm sure even now the officials are handcuffing your poor guardian and leading him and the other members of V.F.D. into custody."

"That's what you wanted all along isn't it?" Violet wondered. "Partially," Mister Dominic admitted and then turned to the troupe member who neither a man nor a woman and told him or her, "Start the fire, then lets use the secret passage and get out of this wretched place." As the short woman who was actually quite tall and the mute finished tying up the orphans, Mister Dominic and his companions rushed toward the dark corridor near the back of the basement that led to Al Funcoot's dressing quarters and Violet tried to tell their foe, "You'll never get away with this!"

"Oh my dear, I already have," the wicked instructor stated as he began to walk away and then called out, "It's a pity you won't be able to survive this blaze, Baudelaires; we had such fun times together and I doubt I'll forget any of you anytime soon." With that, their adversary left them alone and the orphans stared in horror as the inferno began to spread across the cellar and the four of them were caught in the middle of it.

_**sorry this one took a bit longer to write. the finale is upon us! please read and review and share!**_


	13. Thirteen

**_Thirteen_**

At this point in the story, you have no doubt discerned that the quote I used at the beginning in no way describes the situation that the Baudelaires have found themselves in during their stay at this rather tantalizing theater, for their world is not a stage with actors and actresses performing various roles in order to please an audience of wicked or perhaps noble individuals; and none of those involved in this tragic story were players, although I few might've qualified for the profession.

Rather, the situation for Violet, Klaus, Sunny and Beatrice was completely devoid of the usual experience you'll obtain if you go to the movies or the theater in your local neighborhood, unless of course there so happens to be a villain there wanting to do you harm, which would be rather ironic considering where you live.

So if you are to take anything from this story I suggest you learn from their example and get as far away from wicked troupe members and devious movie critics and instead go somewhere else entirely where children and good acting are appreciated for you will certainly not find it here. Instead if you have managed to make it this far into the story without sobbing bitterly or ripping any pages out, then I would like first of all to say, congratulations to you for doing this noble deed for even though this is a particular dire story no book deserves to be vandalized in such a way.

But since it is quite likely you did read this far into the narrative of the Baudelaire's ghastly time at the Ned H. Rirger Theater then you know that all of their attempts to find out more about their parents failed miserably and now they were trapped in a burning basement with little chance to escape.

It seemed that it was curtains for Violet, Klaus, Sunny and Beatrice who had only recently uncovered the awful truth that at least one of their parents had been involved in a terrible murder years ago in the very theater that they were now trapped in. Along with this knowledge, they'd learned that somehow their parents and Count Olaf along with others had apparently met here, before some sort of incident occurred that had caused a dispute in the group known as V.F.D. and members in that organization referred to it as the schism, yet the Baudelaires didn't know how or what that event was; nor were they able to understand how their noble parents could've killed two people so callously even if those people had been wicked and had also raised a son who came to be the most dastardly villain they'd known named Count Olaf.

But recently the Baudelaires had come to understand that there were others even more dastardly and devious than Olaf, one in particular named Mister Dominic who had successfully killed three people since their arrival at the establishment and had now escaped along with his associates. In short, they had gone back to square one, a phrase which here means "Klaus and his sisters felt that they had gotten absolutely nowhere during their stay at the Ned H. Rirger Theater and were now once again trapped due to Mister Dominic's wicked interference."

"I should've known this is what he was planning," Violet lamented as she watched the blaze grow larger. "None of us were able to discern what he was planning," Klaus pointed out as he listened to the noise in the auditorium above them, where their current guardian Falo was likely being arrested as a member of V.F.D. "Do you think we'll make it thru this? Or is it curtains for us after all?" Sunny asked fearfully as she thought about the accidental role that they'd played in murdering Esmé Squalor, who had promised to assist them if they would help her stop C. Nimodi the wicked theater critic, who turned out to be their adversary all along in case you're not keeping up.

"Daqya," Beatrice exclaimed, which probably meant, "I think I found a way out of this mess" or perhaps, "Violet, Klaus, Sunny, look over there! Mister Dominic's rapier fell thru the trap door along with us!" The older orphans turned toward the direction that Beatrice had gestured with her head toward and immediately spotted the weapon near the steps that led to the upper portion of the theater. "Quickly everyone! We haven't much time!" Violet encouraged her siblings and then altogether they shimmied closer to the steps and Klaus said, "Sunny, can you pick it up with your feet?"

"I don't think so, these ropes are too tight, its hopeless," the former toddler informed her brother. "Hatar," Beatrice told her siblings, which probably meant "I think I am small enough to wiggle freely thru the ropes and get a grip on the rapier" or perhaps, "Violet, loosen your grip so I can reach it." The eldest Baudelaire immediately listened to her younger sister and watched as Beatrice reached out and took the handle of the former cane of Mister Dominic. Carefully, Beatrice lifted it toward Klaus' mouth and once he had it in his grasp, Sunny said, "Now cut it slowly so that none of us get hurt."

Violet kept her eyes on the sweeping inferno as it began to tear thru the stage above them and the cries of disagreement above now turned to alarm as the fire spread throughout the rest of the theater and she said, "Yes but we also need to hurry if we're going to make it out of here in time!" Beatrice slowly removed the rapier from Klaus' mouth and then used the handle to cut free his hands; allowing the middle Baudelaire to quickly grab the weapon and then cut free his siblings.

"Hurry!" he declared a she rushed toward the secret door, only to find it was locked. "Oh no!" he said, realizing that one of Mister Dominic's associates must've locked it whenever they'd hidden in the basement he and his siblings were now trapped in. "We can still get thru the secret passageway we discovered earlier," Violet told them.

"If our foe didn't seal it off you mean," Sunny pointed out. Grabbing Beatrice, the orphans rushed thru the blaze to the other side where the dark tunnel was at and heard behind them as various portions of the stage began to fall apart. "I think the fire is weakening the structure of the establishment. It could cause the theater to sink into the ground," Klaus explained. "And right on top of us," Violet added dismally as she led the way thru the tunnel toward the lobby.

When they arrived, the scene in the entrance of the Ned H. Rirger Theater was even more chaotic than before whenever everyone was trying to get seats. This time however, no one was interested in finding a place to watch the final production of the no longer famous "_One Last Warning To Those Who Choose To Try In My Way_" but rather they were pushing, shoving, shouting and crying as they struggled to make it thru the narrow entrance to the outside. "This is madness, we'll never make it out of here in time!" Violet realized.

The two police officers who had come originally to arrest Mister Dominic and then apparently to arrest Falo were standing on the stairs trying to direct the crowd as people fought one another and then finally, some began to rush toward the auditorium. "Where are they headed?" Sunny wondered. "They must've realized we'd gone thru another way," Violet said.

"They must think that there is a secret tunnel underneath the theater," Klaus realized. "Which will lead them to right where we are standing," Sunny decided and then encouraged her siblings to move along. As they rushed thru the lobby, across the ever sticky carpet; Violet felt regret that yet another location of V.F.D. would be burning to the ground and paused to look at the destruction. When she turned and did this, she spotted the other powder-faced woman rushing down the stairs and yelling out, "Baudelaires! Wait! Don't leave without me!"

Her siblings paused in their efforts to flee and turned toward the former member of Count Olaf's troupe just as the blaze reached the lobby itself and portions of the stairs gave way. The four orphans watched in shock as the powder-faced woman became trapped underneath the rubble and Violet, Klaus, Sunny and Beatrice rushed to her side. "Don't worry, we'll get you out of there," Sunny told the troupe member as she and her brother struggled to lift the heavy rubble.

"No! It's too late for me, orphans. That fire isn't going to stop until it devours this theater," the powder-faced woman declared and then clutched Violet's hand and said, "I'm so sorry for everything that me and my partner did to you. I hope this in some way can redeem me." Violet then realized that the troupe member had given her a slip of paper and the oldest orphan clutched it before telling their companion, "I'm sorry we couldn't rescue you."

"Don't worry about me, just get out of here before this place falls apart around you and it is curtains for us all," the troupe member proclaimed as she tried to act brave despite the immense pain she no doubt felt. Violet squeezed their friends hand once more as the lobby began to crumble and then heard more cries of dismay from the tunnel down below.

"All those people are trapped down there!" Sunny realized. "We've got to get out of here or we'll be the same way," Klaus said as he grabbed her other arm and yanked her away. The inferno burned hotter as they raced past the ticket booth into the dank street beyond and the Baudelaires found a street lamp to lean upon as they turned and saw that already smoke was coming from the building they'd spent several days in. "All of those noble volunteers are going to perish in the fire that Mister Dominic started," Violet realized.

"And don't forget the wicked villains, they may have been on our adversaries side; but I guess he wasn't on theirs," Sunny declared. "And Falo. Do you think he somehow managed to escape the blaze as he did before?" Klaus wondered. Violet however had grown mysteriously silent; her siblings assumed incorrectly that she was sad about all of those who were losing their lives within the Ned H. Rirger Theater and although this was one of the many thoughts that Violet had and how that she realized at least four people they knew personally had died because of the wicked Mister Dominic, she wasn't focusing on these tragedies right now.

Instead she was looking down at the small slip of paper that the other powder-faced woman had given to her moments before her untimely death and wondered what it could possibly mean, and also realized that if she was to answer that question it could lead to a thousand other questions. Klaus and Sunny finally realized what it was that their older sibling was staring at and also gazed down at the short message that the last remaining original member of Count Olaf's troupe had left them, and he and his younger sibling also had the same questions the Violet had.

For on the slip of paper were only two words, since that had been the only thing their companion had time to write; but they were enough to send the Baudelaire's minds reeling with in confusion. The two words were bold and quickly written by the powder-faced woman and would haunt the orphans for some time to come:

**Find Lemony**

And that was all that the strange slip of paper had on it. As the Baudelaires stared at it, they heard a sound that jolted them back to reality and looked up to see a taxi driving towards them and they immediately realized that the driver was their current guardian, Falo. As he pulled up to the curb that they were standing on, the evil twin of Count Olaf opened the door and yelled out, "Quickly Baudelaires! Get inside!"

Klaus, Sunny, Violet and Beatrice looked at each other uncertainly and then the eldest asked, "Why did you set up that trap in the basement of the theater? All of those people are going to die!"

"I know that," he admitted sadly and then added, "But I hope you believe me when I had no intention of doing any of that. I knew all along that you were disguising yourselves as Beverly and Elliot the two headed freak and as Chabo the wolf-baby and Hope the Lion Tamer from the Caligari Carnival and also pretending to be concierges, but I had to keep up appearances so that Mister Dominic and his allies would be drawn out."

Falo then sighed miserably as he gazed at the destruction that had befallen the formerly majestic Ned H. Rirger Theater and declared, "But I had no idea he intended to dispose of his own allies along with ours and also try to expose V.F.D. as the criminals. It took me a great deal of effort to distract those officers, but the blaze proved sufficient enough for me to get out of the theater in time."

"But we failed in our chance to stop Mister Dominic and Esmé Squalor is now dead!" Klaus objected. "And now the authorities think that we are the culprits, especially since Mister Dominic is right and we were there every single time that one of Count Olaf's old troupe members was killed off," Sunny stated.

"And we found out that our parents were involved in the death of…" Violet paused, realizing who she was speaking to and Falo merely smiled and replied, "You think that I will blame you for what your parents did, am I right?" "So they did kill your parents?" Klaus asked in shock. "Yes," Falo replied and then added, "Although I try not to think about… it was that sort of thinking that led Olaf to a life of villainy you see." "Do you know why they did this?" Sunny wondered.

"I'm afraid I don't, I wasn't there at the time. I was back at the headquarters studying with my own friends whenever Olaf was pursuing his acting career. But the death of our parents… well he took it rather hard, he was never the same after that," Falo answered. "I'm sorry," Violet said.

"It doesn't matter now, Baudelaires. We can't change the past and we shouldn't allow it to shape our future. So right now the only thing we can do is move on… which would probably be the smartest thing to do considering that the authorities are now hot on our tail, a phrase which here means-"

Falo began but didn't get to finish his definition because of the loud crash that came from the establishment in front of them, and both he and the Baudelaires watched as the roof of the Ned H. Rirger Theater crumbled to pieces due to the raging inferno and Violet, Klaus, Sunny and Beatrice immediately recognized that not only were all of the secrets within the building gone but also everyone still inside was as well.

For a moment, all of the volunteers in the taxi watched the fire and then Falo turned on the engine and drove toward the western side of the city away from the crime scene and the Baudelaires sighed and leaned against one another in the backseat of the car, and took what chance they had now to rest and not think of the terrible tragedy they had just witnessed.

You however may have the misfortune of not being tired and if you have unwisely chosen to read this book in the morning or at night or at some other point during the day, then you will probably find yourself now sleepless for many days because of the destruction you've just read about and will quite likely cry over it for an even longer amount of time and might even do so whenever you visit your local theater. There is a particularly famous piece of literature that I have quoted from extensively in this book and now that we have reached the end, I need only remind you that both were tragedies whereas only one I would recommend reading and it pains me very much to say that you chose the wrong one to read.

_**The striking conclusion! what did you think overall? I appreciate feedback! read, review, share and stay tuned for an exciting preview of the next installment, I'll be busy for the next couple of days; but hopefully have it posted by friday!**_


	14. To My Kind Editor

_To my Kind Editor,_

_Please excuse the fancy writing on this napkin but I wrote in such a manner to keep in terms with the policy set forth here at the Anxious Clown diner where the Baudelaires stayed for a short period of time in their attempt to learn more as volunteers._

_Enclosed in this napkin you will find a menu of the items here for the café, one of Sunny's famous recipes, a photograph of the exterior of an abandoned research facility and the manuscript for this portion of the Baudelaires' story, which is entitled,_

_THE DASTARDLY DINER._

_Please come on the 3__rd__ Wednesday of the 2__nd__ Month of the time we discussed and make sure you order something nice for yourself and for me, if I do not show up, simply eat your dish and come again at another day until a waiter passes you this napkin, Remember you are my last hope,_

_With all Due Respect,_

_Lemony Snicket_


End file.
